Do you have ROCD? The little-known condition that could be wrecking your relationship without you even knowing
HAVING doubts about your relationship is normal.
You might occasionally wonder how much longer you can put up with your significant other’s refusal to do the dishes or chew with their mouth closed.
Wavering levels of attraction to your partner are entirely ordinary experiences.
But becoming consumed by these thoughts can be a sign of relationship OCD, also known as relationship substantiation or ROCD.
Dr Rina Bajaj, a counselling psychologist and author of The Magic in Me, describes it as when a person is having “doubts about the relationship, the partner’s suitability, or fears of making the wrong decision”.
These sound like normal relationship insecurities, right?
Well, with ROCD the doubts are not ‘normal’, the expert tells The Sun.
“Like with generic obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), these thoughts can be very intrusive and distressing,” Rina explained.
“People with ROCD may engage in repetitive behaviours or mental rituals to alleviate their anxiety.”
This includes reassuring oneself that “everything is okay” by silently repeating special words, images, or numbers.
Sufferers often find it hard to maintain relationships for two reasons.
Firstly, they can become obsessed with finding the ‘perfect’ relationship.
This can often lead to sufferers picking apart their own relationships, seeking reassurance that their partner is right for them, or endlessly comparing their relationship to other people’s.
Alternatively, people with ROCD may become fixated on their partner’s supposed flaws, such as their intelligence, how funny they are or how they look in pictures.
This may leave sufferers with urges to leave their partner.
Some people can experience both types.
“The constant questioning and anxiety can create a significant emotional burden for both partners and can lead to break ups,” Rina explains.
Just as the causes of OCD are not completely certain, the cause of RCOD is also unknown.
According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, genetics, brain abnormalities, and a person’s environment might be partly responsible.
Rina says people with the condition may have “a heightened sensitivity to relationship-related thoughts and fears”.
“They may also have underlying issues such as anxiety, low self-esteem, or past relationship experiences could play a role,” she adds.
Treatments
The symptoms and compulsions that accompany ROCD mean many people don’t even realise they have it; more often than not, people think they’re just ‘picky’.
Rina explains that the difference between being selective when it comes to relationships and having RCOD is timing.
“For people with ROCD, these feelings of doubt will be persistent,” she says.
Cognitive behavioural therapy – a type of talking therapy – is the main treatment.
Medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or other antidepressants, may be prescribed to help manage symptoms.
Researchers from Reichman University in Israel investigated whether a phone app could ease symptoms of the disorder.
They recruited 103 heterosexual couples aged 26 on average.
They were all quizzed on their OCD and RCOD symptoms and mental health.
Half were asked to use the app daily.
It involved swiping through statements of behaviours associated with ROCD, such as “doubts regarding my partner will destroy me”, and categorising them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
For example, the app would display a statement such as “doubts regarding my partner will destroy me”, which is meant to be swiped upwards, as if the thought is being “thrown away”, researchers said.
While positive statements, like “I’m able to dismiss my relationship doubts”, should be swiped downwards, as if “embracing” the idea.
Participants were then quizzed on their relationship and sexual satisfaction after using the app and one month later.
Results, published in the journal Heliyon, showed those who didn’t use the app saw their OCD and ROCD scores rise, while those who used the app “did not report such an increase”.