My mom-of-four tips stop your kids misbehaving at the Thanksgiving dinner table & get them to dress up without tantrums
BEING surrounded by extended family can be daunting as it is, but throw unruly kids into the mix and you’re sure to get your heart rate climbing.
A certified high-performance coach, mom of four, and expert on “owning your calm” wants to help parents keep their homes in order this Thanksgiving.
Jenna Hermans, author of Chaos To Calm: Five Ways Parents Can Break Free From Overwhelm, has a few tips to help the holidays run smoothly.
Speaking exclusively with The U.S. Sun, she said that communicating before it’s go-time is key.
“When you want your kids to behave a certain way, something I find really helpful is to talk to them about why you’re asking them to do this and what it means to you when they do these things right,” she began.
Being proactive with your little ones, explaining what the day is going to look like and what you need from them, keeps any surprises at bay and prepares kids for a change in routine.
But the communication has to be a two-way dialogue.
“You need to ask your kids what they want from this time — what do they need?” she said.
“When you’re both sharing, you can work as a team to make sure everyone feels comfortable.”
Jenna noted that much of the acting up you see from kids stems from their desire for attention.
“When they misbehave at the dinner table, when they don’t listen, that’s often because they want to feel connected to you,” she said.
“So, ensuring that your kids have some one-on-one time with you — whether that’s spending the day before with them or having some connection time in the morning — lets them know that they’re still the priority, they’re still valued even during this stressful time.”
She recommended giving your kids something to be excited about as well, perhaps asking them if they’d like to go to the park the day after the party or play cards together once everyone leaves.
“Especially for children who tend to be a little more rambunctious, it gives them that outlet of knowing they have something to look forward to,” she added.
She said this same forward-thinking mentality can be extended to ensuring your kids have good table manners.
“I’m not a fan of bribery at all,” she said.
“But in these instances where it’s harder and tensions are running high, you can remind your kids that if they have good table manners, if they eat their food and are polite, they can watch a movie after or have a special dessert.
“It gives them something to anchor onto.
“It makes them think, ‘If I do well here, I can look forward to this thing and it’s fully in my control. The choice is mine.’”
She also suggested getting your kids involved in the prep so that they feel a sense of pride and ownership over the festivities.
“When it comes to the meals, you can sit them down beforehand and tell them: ‘This is what’s going to be served. Is there anything else you want to eat? We’re having chicken and rice, what vegetable do you want?’”
If they’re old enough to help you cook, even better.
“Involving them in the meal creation, or just the menu creation, it helps them feel like a part of it and then they’re more willing to eat what’s in front of them,” she said.
“Every time my kids help with the cooking, they’re so excited and that’s the first thing they put on their plate.”
This illusion of control, of being part of the decision-making, is also a good way to get them to wear what you want them to.
“I tell my kid: ‘Here’s what I’m wearing. This is what your siblings are wearing. Everyone is dressing up because it’s a special occasion.’
“And then I’ll ask: ‘So, do you want to wear your white collared shirt or your red collared shirt?’”
She said that most of the time, this ensures they won’t throw a fit about not getting to wear their Spiderman costume or casual T-shirt because they still get to feel like they’re choosing, and you’ve explained to them why they need to dress up.
When they need some further reinforcement, however, Jenna has a backup plan.
“Sometimes I’ll tell them: ‘Why don’t you pick the clothes or pajamas you want to wear, and we can have it in the car so that right when the event is done, you can change into that.’
“You can even let them wear that in the car on the way to the event too, so that they only wear the nice outfit during the time of the party.
“You tell them: ‘You don’t even have to wear it leading up to or right after.’”
Besides caring for your kids, Jenna wants to remind parents to go easy on themselves.
If you’re hosting, don’t cook the whole meal if that seems like too much — order a few sides or get people to bring them.
If you don’t want to do the dishes, treat yourself to a cleaner after the party or use disposable dinnerware.
If you don’t want to splurge on buying fine china but want your table to look extra nice, rent what you need.
“And remember that this is temporary,” she said.
“It’s OK if things don’t go as planned, if your kids eat way too much sugar, if they stay up past their bedtime.
“They’re going to be OK. This is memory-making.
“And they may be cranky the next day, but it’s allowing them to have flexibility around this time just as you grant yourself the same.
“We might allow ourselves to drink a little extra wine or stay out later than usual, so you can let them have a great time too.”