I’ve had sex with my brother’s ex and want to take it further

DEAR DEIDRE: I have fallen for my brother’s ex, who he had considered “the one”.

I’m worried he’ll hate me if I start a relationship with her.

I’m 32 and she is 30. My brother is 34. He was with this woman for three years. They lived together but split up two years ago.

While they were together, I didn’t fancy her or have any interest in her. I just thought of her as my brother’s woman.

But a few months ago, I bumped into her in a bar in town and we got chatting.

We had a real laugh. We drank a lot too and, later that evening, ended up kissing passionately.

We were so caught up in the moment that when it was kicking-out time, I invited her back to mine where we had incredible sex.

I messaged her the next day and she was friendly but neither of us mentioned what had happened. I was left feeling that for her it was a drunken mistake.

Since then, we’ve had lots of friendly chats and we’ve become good mates.

But I don’t know how she feels about me and I think she may be holding back too because she doesn’t want to hurt him.

I really like her and want more than friendship. The problem is, I think my brother would be really upset. He always used to talk about her as “the one”.

She broke up with him and he was gutted for a while. However, he seems over her now and has a new partner.

Should I ask her out properly, or would that be a mistake?

I don’t want to wreck my relationship with my brother.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your brother doesn’t own this woman and she is free to date whoever she likes.

However, he lived with her for two years and was clearly in love with her.

Even though he has a new partner, he might still have feelings for her.

That said, there is no point in risking your relationship with your brother unless you know she is interested in you.

She is likely to feel awkward about what happened between you. But if you don’t ask her, you will never know how she feels.

If she does have feelings for you then only you can decide if you like her enough to risk causing family tensions.

If you decide to talk to your brother, take it slowly, and gauge his reaction step by step.