My boyfriend’s refusing to pop the big question

DEAR DEIDRE: We have been together for a decade but my boyfriend still hasn’t proposed.

He knows marriage is important to me, although he keeps coming up with excuses – despite us having three children.

I’m 37 and he is 39. Our kids are aged eight, six and three.

When we first met, we talked about marriage and he told me he definitely wanted to do it in the future.

He knows I’ve always dreamed of a white wedding – the dress, cake, the whole shebang. To me it’s about commitment and love, sealing the deal.

But whenever I bring up the subject, he says it’s too expensive currently, or we have other priorities.

My parents have offered to pay for the wedding but he’s too proud to let me accept the money.

I’ve even said we could have a smaller, lower-key event.

I worry about our children’s future if anything happens to one of us and we’re not married.

Sometimes, I wonder if it is because he doesn’t love me enough, or plans to leave me. I love him and am happy with him, but I can’t wait for ever.

DEIDRE SAYS: Despite knowing your feelings, your boyfriend still refuses to get married.

I wonder if he has seen a loved one go through a messy divorce, or has another reason for disliking marriage.

It’s not surprising this is making you feel insecure. And you are right to worry about the legal implications of not being married.

Read my support pack, When Your Man Won’t Commit. Explain to him that you are doubting his commitment and ask him to be honest.

If you are otherwise happy, however, it would not make sense to leave him and break up your family.

Perhaps you could suggest a civil partnership instead, which gives you legal protections without the fuss of a wedding.