I lied to everyone in my life for 4 years about my affair. Here's how I started telling the truth again.

• In college, I had an affair and chose to tell my boyfriend the truth. 
• After getting married, I had an affair and hid the truth from everyone.
• Even though I was a Rockette, I felt like I was hitting a ceiling in my life.

I've always had an active imagination. As a child, I loved to dress up and play characters, so it was no big surprise when I decided to pursue a career onstage and went to college for musical theater.

My freshman year, I fell madly in love with an extremely talented, handsome, and charismatic senior. I was mesmerized every time I saw him act and would fantasize that I was his leading lady. He never noticed me, until we were both cast in a professional summer theater musical, and then we became inseparable.

It was thrilling.

It was especially exciting because I already had a boyfriend: my high-school sweetheart, who was attending another college. My flirtation with this new man progressed rapidly and evolved into a full love affair, or a "showmance" as they call it in the industry. Come closing night, we cried in each other's arms, as I was going back home to my boyfriend and he was moving to New York City to begin his career as an actor.

I told everyone the truth

When I arrived home, I called up my boyfriend and told him I was in love with another man and that I wanted to break up. I then told him I had broken up with my boyfriend and confessed I wanted to be with him.

I told them both the truth.

He said he loved me too and that he wanted to be together despite the obstacle of being four hours away from each other. I returned to college for my sophomore year glowing. I was now dating the man of my dreams. My fantasy had come true. Three years later, he knelt before me on the very stage we had fallen in love on and proposed. I couldn't say yes fast enough.

But in the year we were engaged, I found myself attracted to and kissing other men. What was I doing? Didn't I have the prize?

When I told him the truth, he suggested we postpone the wedding. I did everything in that moment to convince him I was fully committed, and months later, I exhaled with relief, starstruck to be married to him.

And then I began lying

As I started working professionally, I found myself scanning the room for the attractive men in the cast on the first day of rehearsal. I would flirt, nothing more. When the show was over, I would go home to my husband, but as the years went on, I began to feel great frustration. While I had experienced amazing heights, including becoming one of the world-famous New York City Rockettes, I seemed to be hitting the ceiling in my life and in my career. I was feeling very alone.

Then, after our 10th wedding anniversary, I found myself scanning the room on the first day of rehearsal for a new musical, setting eyes on another handsome and talented actor, a new man.

This time, the flirtation went all the way, and I cheated on my husband. Except, unlike my 19-year-old self who was so clear she needed to tell the truth, I shut my mouth and didn't tell a soul. I felt so much shame for lying, but I was terrified of losing my marriage and my chance to have a family. So I did everything I could to avoid talking about it. I began to drink heavily, listen to music constantly, and watch a ton of TV.

While I kept telling this new man I would never see him again, I would call him after months, or even a year, and we'd hook up. I had created two fantasy worlds: the world of a steamy affair and the world of a happy marriage. Neither one was actually true. I wasn't happy in the affair, and I wasn't happy in my marriage.

I realized I needed to tell the truth

On one Thanksgiving Day, my husband knelt before me and told me he didn't love me anymore, didn't want to have a family, and was in love with another woman. At that moment, I thought the only way to save our marriage was to finally confess my affair. Except when I did, his face hardened, and he used it as evidence that we shouldn't be together.

We tried couples therapy, and it was excruciating because we wanted different things. After 2 ½ weeks of therapy, he spent the last session talking about how great his girlfriend was, and in that moment, something finally shifted within me. The truth came out again.

I told him we were through. I went to the bookstore and bought a book on divorce. I got the help I needed, and I told all my family and friends about my affair.

The truth was finally flowing out of me — the truth of what I wanted and the greater truth that I was capable. That truth ignited awkward dating, the ups and downs of healing a broken heart, and ultimately led me to a life partner whom I would create a family with.

I no longer needed the fantasy; I discovered something far more powerful to create the life and love I desired — the truth.

Nikól Rogers is a speaker, writer, and empowerment coach. Her new book is called "13: One Woman's Sacred Journey to Discovering Her Greatest Power."