‘I think I might unintentionally do this’: Dating expert reveals how to love bomb someone. And how to spot it

24.11.2023 22:30

The Daily Dot

A dating guru explains how to make someone fall for you by love bombing them, and cautions others to recognize the signs of this dangerous, manipulative behavior.

In a viral TikTok, Natalie Louise (@wanderlusqt) explained how to love bomb an unsuspecting person. "This is how you manipulate someone by love bombing them," she says to start the clip. "Do not use this strategy on anyone."

Natalie explained that she is only sharing the information to help others "realize if it is happening to you and know when to get out." The woman learned the stages of love bombing the hard way when it happened to her. "Stage one is the date," she continued.

In this stage, the relationship advisor said that a person who love bombs will take their target on a date to try to figure out if they are a vulnerable enough target. She also said they will "wine and dine" their unsuspecting victim, and also ask a ton of questions to try to get to know them and increase the chances of being liked.

Natalie explained that this behavior is their attempt to win both the affection and trust of the other party. It is also to learn enough information about their target so they know what they can do to make them happy and understand their weaknesses.

Ultimately, the goal is to learn a victim seeks in a partner and turn into that person. "They will shape shift into that partner," she said.

In the following stage, she called "the gifting stage," the great treatment goes further to include gifts. "Things that they know you will be head over heels for," she explained. "The more gifts you receive, the more you trust them."

This establishes a bond and that's when the manipulator kick things up a notch and spends as much time with their target as they can, which reinforces the feelings of trust and vulnerability. And that's when things begin to spiral, beginning with, what she described as "hot and cold behavior."

"Now that they know, 'Well I have you wrapped around my finger,'" she said. "That's when they're like, 'I'm gonna use you now and see if this works."

Natalie Louise noted that in this stage, the manipulator may "disappear" or completely change their behavior towards you. This can look like the person not texting when they normally would or refusing to make typical plans.

This results in the victim becoming more anxious about the relationship and things cooling off. However, that doesn't stop the manipulator from popping back up and restarting the same stages of manipulation. "They wanna go on a date with you again," she said.

If a victim shows the abuser they are excited to see them when the connection is reestablished, that's when the trauma bond is secure. That blend of positive experiences with painful, harmful one becomes a part of the cycle. And the abuser always escalates their bad behavior.

Soon, the victim normalizes the constant push and pull dynamic of the relationship and craves the behavior. "So that process goes back and forth multiple times, until you become addicted to them," she said.

@wanderlusqt Do not use just be aware #wanderlusqt #natalielouise #relationshipcoachnatalielouise #relationshipcoach ♬ original sound - natalie louise

The video has amassed more than 4,000 views since it was posted on Nov. 12. In the comments section, TikTokers shared their own stories of being love bombed.

"I didn’t realize it when it happened," user Debbie's Fav Turkish Series wrote. "If they’re overly complimentary, just run."

"My ex did exactly this to me," another user commented. "Came bk recently, then out of no where cut me off. It's confused me but I'm done and it's boring me now."

Others admitted to using the manipulation technique on others.

"I’m that guy," user Pablo wrote.

"I tried it," another user said. "Short story doesn't work."

The Daily Dot reached out to Natalie Louise via email for more information.

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