Harriette Cole: I’m in college, and I need my mom to stop with the panicky phone calls
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to be a senior in college, and I find myself in a challenging situation with my mom.
Despite my being in college and striving for independence, she continues to exhibit helicopter-parenting tendencies. I understand that it is coming out of love, but she is constantly calling me, terrified about my well-being and telling me where I should and shouldn’t go on campus based on what she’s been seeing on the news.
To be fair, there have been people walking the streets waving Nazi flags in recent weeks. And a few kids have gotten in fights with some of these people, but that is totally not me.
I appreciate the love and concern my mother has for me, but her constant involvement in my day-to-day decisions is becoming overwhelming.
How can I communicate to my mom that while I value her concern, I need space to make my own decisions and go about my senior year independently? I don’t want to strain our relationship, but I also need the freedom to grow and learn on my own.
— Back Off
DEAR BACK OFF: It is understandable that your mother is worrying about you, given what is going on in the world and how it is manifesting, especially on or near college campuses.
No matter what your political views, it is frightening to think that things have gotten so incendiary everywhere. Please acknowledge your mother’s legitimate concerns and assure her that you are making smart choices as you live your life.
Think back on lessons she has taught you about how to carry yourself. Remind her of some of this guidance as a way of letting her know that you do keep her wisdom top of mind. Then also remind her that now is the time for you to begin making more of your own independent decisions. You need her to give you space to live your life and make mistakes.
Promise to stay in touch with her so that she doesn’t need to worry. But create clear boundaries around engagement so that you carve out space to breathe.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started talking to someone new. It was going really well for a few days, and I found him really attractive.
We have similar senses of style and music, two things that are very important to me, and we were both contributing to the conversation equally.
I knew the guy only on social media until he gave me his number to continue talking more intimately. I immediately added his contact and texted him, but he never responded. Wondering whether he accidentally sent me the wrong number, I DM’ed him on social media to give him my number just in case. However, he never responded there either.
I am confused because he was the one who offered his number, with no prompting from me. I also thought that we were getting along well.
I do not want to seem desperate, but I want to continue talking. Should I follow up with him again to see if he wants to keep talking, or should I cut my losses while I’m ahead?
— Got Ghosted
DEAR GOT GHOSTED: It’s his turn now. Sit on your hands. Do not reach out. Instead, go out and hang with friends. It’s his move.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.