My sister is a carer and an alcoholic

DEAR DEIDRE: My sister is spending the money she receives to care for our disabled brother on alcohol and cigarettes.

Unfortunately my brother won’t do anything about this and is in denial.

Last week when I visited, the house was freezing because she hadn’t paid the gas bill.

My brother’s money goes into my sister’s account and then she is supposed to give me some to pay for his shopping, and she is meant to pay his bills.

But the last few weeks, she told me there wasn’t enough cash after he had asked for new clothes.

So I ended up buying him some basics otherwise he wouldn’t have had anything to eat. I am 48 and my sister is 45.

Our brother is 40 and after a work injury he is now in a wheelchair.

I’ve been in touch with social services over my concerns but so far nothing has happened.

I think my brother covers for my sister because he doesn’t want anyone to know she has an addiction.

He might be worried about upsetting her and is too scared to ask social services for help.

I love them but I can’t cope with this much longer.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your brother may not want people to know about your sister, but keeping quiet means he’s enabling your sister to carry on with her addiction.

While it’s painful to watch someone we love struggle, unfortunately, we can’t solve their drinking problems for them.

The only person who can do this is them.

Try talking to your sister and tell her how much you love her and how worried you are about her drinking.

My support pack Dealing With A Problem Drinker should help. Contact Al-Anon Family Groups (al-anonuk.org.uk, 0800 0086 811) which supports the families of drinkers.

My pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you to talk to them both calmly.