Harriette Cole: I don’t want to offend my friend but I can’t stay in this house

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve received an invitation to stay at a friend’s house over the holidays, but I feel uncomfortable about the living conditions.

Their place tends to be messy, and I’m unsure how to handle this situation without offending them.

I value our friendship, but I’m hesitant about staying in an environment that makes me uneasy.

How can I navigate this situation tactfully while expressing my concerns?

— Uninhabitable

DEAR UNINHABITABLE: “No” is a complete sentence. Remember that.

You have no obligation to stay at anyone’s home if you don’t want to, and you don’t have to explain why. You can simply thank them for the invitation and decline.

If you decide to visit your friend’s town and stay with someone else, that’s fine, too. Or you may choose to stay in a hotel. As an adult, you have the right to park your body wherever you choose without feeling guilty.

I know people who never stay at friends’ homes because they want autonomy. Their response is that they always stay in a hotel, but they visit often.

You don’t have to explain yourself. Just be responsible for putting yourself somewhere that’s comfortable for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for a nonprofit organization that fights against hunger. I’m deeply passionate about my job, and I truly believe in the mission we’re working toward.

I am also very good at what I do, which is fundraising for the company. However, my boss has been making it increasingly difficult for me to balance my dedication to the cause with taking necessary time off.

I’ve noticed that my boss is hard on me and often tries to make me feel guilty whenever I request time off, even if it’s for legitimate reasons.

The nature of our work can be demanding, and I believe in the importance of maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

How can I communicate my need for time off without feeling guilty, and how can I address this dynamic with my boss without jeopardizing my position or commitment to the organization?

— Need Time Off

DEAR NEED TIME OFF: Sit down with your boss to talk about the job and your commitment to the work.

Be prepared to point out what you have accomplished this year, with specific examples of your contributions. Next, point out that you need regular recharging in order to bring your A-game to this important work. Ask that your need for earned time off be respected. Invite your boss to support you the next time you make that request.

If your boss balks and tells you that is not in line with the organization’s training — or says you’re being groomed to become the leader of the organization, or anything else that would suggest that you should not ask for time off — offer your thanks for the approach and the recognition of your value.

Add that the best support would be approving what you need the most: the ability to have a personal life and a professional life.

Tell your boss you need this in order to go the distance with enthusiasm and commitment.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.