How Restricting Your Kid's Holiday Foods Can Backfire

Candy canes. Gingerbread houses. And so many cookies. The holidays are that time of year when we exhaust our taste buds and indulge our sweet tooth. Depending on your relationship with food, this is either the most wonderful season of all—or, if you're on a diet, a minefield of guilt.

"We want to help people understand that diets are not going to be something that will make them happy," says Elyse Resch, registered dietician, nutrition therapist, and co-author of Intuitive Eating. "To go into the holiday season being on a diet, there's clearly going to be some sort of rebellion from it."

If you're in the group that feels guilt and shame over holiday indulgences, your feelings over food may be transferred to your children. It could lead them to develop their own complex and unhealthy relationship with food. We'll share how to instill trust in your kids regarding food served at holiday celebrations and the unintended consequences of restricting their diet. 

What is intuitive eating?

To understand how parents and kids can have a better relationship with food, we need to explain the concept of intuitive eating. Intuitive eating means trusting your body to choose foods that make you feel your best. It's a philosophy that directly opposes diets that restrict or ban certain foods entirely. 

Resch describes the idea as akin to feeding a baby. Whether receiving nourishment from the breast or bottle, newborns intuitively know when they are hungry and stop when their stomachs are full. As we age, the signals we were attuned to as babies around food weaken, often because diet culture can change how we look at food. It causes us not to honor our hunger or deprive ourselves of something we want, thus making that thing more desirable. 

"Intuitive eating is about helping people get back in touch with what we knew when we were born," says Resch.

Don't tell kids "just one cookie"

The concept that children (and adults, for that matter) want what they can't have also applies to food. It also sends the wrong message about what we eat.

For example, if you tell your child they can only have one cookie at the family holiday party, they will probably want more. It becomes much more exciting to eat than anything else placed before them on the table. Then they'll feel ashamed that they want more than one cookie. 

"You're saying, 'I can't trust you to know what you need,'" says Resch. "You're developing shame in a child when you are restricting what they're allowed to have. You are not developing a sense that they can just tune into themselves."

That lack of trust can also be felt when children are told to clean their plates even though they say they are done. We want to enjoy food, and when children are burdened with finishing a meal, they learn not to trust when their stomach is full, making them feel unsatisfied.

They're not going to eat only desserts

Most parents assume their children will eat nothing but candy and pie at the holiday family gathering if left to their own devices. But if we're supporting a positive relationship with food from the start, they'll pick what is most interesting to them instead of hanging out exclusively at the dessert table.

While Resch concedes that not every parent can provide their family with a wide variety of foods, starting a favorable association with what your kids eat can begins by sitting down together and enjoying a meal whenever you can. Children will want to eat what you find interesting, which should hold when they approach the spread at the potluck.

"When kids are allowed to pick what they like and not eat what they don't like, they're not only going to eat candy because the other foods will look so interesting," says Resch.

Set the example

When adults overindulge, they usually say something like: "I better watch it tomorrow." If they stick to their diet, they might say something like, "I'm that much closer to meeting my target weight." Statements like these can start to erode our relationship with food. Eating provides nourishment, and talking about it negatively doesn't send a positive message to our children. 

As a rule, parents working on their relationship with food shouldn't negatively talk about their or their children's bodies. Kids will only learn from that example that parents are upset with themselves over what they eat and should control what they consume. 

"I want to give parents some compassion," says Resch. "They're worried that they're going to be criticized and not good parents if they're not controlling their children's eating."

Don't worry about what other family members think

Everyone has different ideas about food, so if you're worried that the grandparents will comment about what your child is eating, let them know ahead of time how things work in your home and that they should not make comments about food. 

However, you can't control what anyone does, so be frank with children and let them know they can ignore any comments from another family member about what they're eating.

"You need to be able to tell them that not everybody's home works like yours," says Resch.

When asked if parents or children should make New Year's resolutions about diet, Resch replies with two words: "Absolutely not."