Should I confront husband’s PA who I suspect is his temptress?
DEAR DEIDRE: Despite my husband’s protests, it is obvious to me that he is having sex with his new PA. He only has eyes for her.
He won’t tell me the truth, so I’m sorely tempted to see if I can get it out of her.
We used to have a great sex life with regular loving intercourse but lately he hasn’t been interested in me at all.
The way he talks to her and looks at her makes my stomach flip . . . it’s how he used to be with me before I got old.
I am 49 and my husband is 51. We have been married for almost 30 years.
I used to regularly go into his office as I work nearby and we would go to lunch or travel home together.
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But since she started working for him, he is always too busy.
She is single, in her early 30s and always looks immaculate, whereas I feel old and dowdy.
Another tell-tale sign is that he has recently become very protective of his phone.
He seems absorbed by it and whenever I speak to him, I know he isn’t listening.
When I try to cuddle up to him he is always too tired.
In fact I’d say he is quite cold and unaffectionate towards me. My gut tells me this woman is the reason.
She has been on a training weekend with him recently and I know there are more planned.
I don’t know whether to ring her to confront her.
Would my husband lose his job if I did and she told the big boss?
Should I risk it to find out?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I know it may be tempting but please don’t confront this woman.
While it does sound suspicious, try not to jump to any conclusions.
You don’t have proof your husband is cheating or even intends to, it is just a gut feeling and that is not always a reliable indicator that something is wrong.
What’s clear is there’s no trust in your relationship.
Talking to your husband again is the only way you’ll find out the truth. He could genuinely be stressed and tired – this does affect libido.
Tell him you’re feeling anxious about the change in your sex life and his attitude to you and ask him to be honest.
Whatever the reason, you deserve an explanation.
My support pack Relationship MOT will help you work through changes you want to see to strengthen your love.