A woman was called 'privileged' for asking if she should tip sanitation workers — but said critics don't 'have the full picture'

• Kaidi Dey shared a TikTok asking if it was normal to tip sanitation workers around the holidays.
• There was a mix of replies, with some top comments criticizing her for simply asking the question.
• Dey told Business Insider she's from Estonia and was unsure about US tipping etiquette.

Kaidi Dey, a marketing strategist based in New Jersey, had no idea she was about to face backlash after making a video asking if she should tip sanitation workers for the holidays.

Dey received a sweet holiday card from her local garbage disposal workers late last month, which inspired her to consider whether she should tip them. She told Business Insider that since she's not entirely familiar with American tip culture, she surveyed TikTokers about it.

But her TikTok posing the question — including how much she should tip if she should — began filling up with commenters calling her "privileged" and "entitled" for asking. Her video has since gone viral, with nearly a million views since it was shared on November 29.

"When the comments started flooding in with the first wave of hate, I was actually in tears because it was so bad," Dey told BI.

Dey said she was told that sanitation workers leaving holiday cards is a gesture toward a tip

Dey began her video showing off the card from her two garbage collectors. She said she noticed the card in a Ziploc bag that was left on her garbage the same day she recorded the video.

"Happy holidays, the best wishes for you and your family, from your sanitation crew," the letter said.

Dey said her father-in-law advised her that it was typical to tip sanitation workers around the holiday season, and that's probably why they left her the card. (A card is also a way for workers to provide an address to send tips to since leaving them out, or on garbage cans, can be risky.)

Dey told viewers this was an entirely foreign concept to her. "I realize that everybody in America tips for everything, and I do tip for a lot of things, like my hairstylist," Dey said in her video. "But I find it rather odd that you have to also tip for sanitation workers."

She asked what the going rate was, considering there were two workers. (According to etiquette experts, tipping a sanitation worker $10-30 is encouraged.)

There have been an array of responses — from people encouraging a tip to others saying they're fed up with American tipping culture. Many of the top replies, however, were by users criticizing Dey.

"You come across as so privileged and entitled. Those guys do hard work. Imagine even asking whether to tip?" a top comment with over 2,000 likes said.

"To me it makes so much more sense to tip the sanitation workers than it does to tip a hairstylist," another person wrote in a reply with over 2,200 likes.

One user with many likes called her a "terrible person" while another person accused her of speaking in a condescending tone.

'I wasn't expecting people to perceive me as this horrible monster that's putting down our sanitation crew because I was asking a question,' Dey said

Dey told BI she received lots of angry comments along with people hurling obscenities at her, although she said the haters are "only seeing one sliver … and they don't have the full picture."

"I wasn't expecting people to perceive me as this horrible monster that's putting down our sanitation crew because I was asking a question," she added. "I came from a very poor family and I've had to fight my way to be here ... It hurts when people say that I'm privileged and entitled, but that's just their opinion of me, they don't know me."

Dey is originally from Estonia and immigrated to America 16 years ago. She only recently moved into a house with her husband, so she wasn't aware of what the etiquette is around garbage disposal services.

"In my culture — Estonia, where I grew up — we don't leave Christmas gifts for people that we don't know," she said. "I wanted to ask if this is a common thing or just a neighborhood thing."

After speaking with her landlord and monitoring the video replies, she said she's planning to give $20 gift cards to a local donut shop called Sugarlips for the garbage men the next time she sees them.

After Dey made a follow-up video explaining her story and why she was miffed by the hate, new commenters came to her defense. Many users wrote that they too had no idea it was normal to tip sanitation workers and were confused why anyone called her entitled for asking.

"I'm American. I didn't know this until the first holiday season I lived in my home," one user wrote. "It took me 30 seconds to realize it was a kind gesture."