My partner’s debt is threatening our whole relationship
DEAR DEIDRE: A relationship with my long-distance lover is impossible because of his debt.
He lied about having a family commitment because he couldn’t afford to visit me. I’m angry but I’ve fallen for him, and I’m not sure whether I should break up with him.
I’m 36 and he’s 40. We met online and really hit it off – but he lives in the north of Scotland, while my home is in Brighton.
I flew up to visit him a few times and we got on brilliantly. The sex was amazing too. He’s kind, funny and interesting, and I thought he might be The One.
But when it was his turn to visit me, he cancelled at the last minute.
After I got upset, he admitted he couldn’t afford a ticket as he’s in such financial trouble. His business failed during the pandemic.
We stopped talking for a while but have started messaging again.
I miss him and he says he misses me and will try to find a way to visit. He has never asked me for cash.
Is our relationship doomed?
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DEIDRE SAYS: He probably lied because he was embarrassed or proud.
But long-distance relationships are tricky, and if he can’t afford to travel, it’ll be hard to make this work.
You won’t be on an equal footing and will end up feeling resentful.
It might be wise to keep this as a friendship and see if there’s someone better suited out there for you.
My support pack, Finding The Right Partner For You, should help.