After my toddler got sick I was forced to slow down. I realized that I was overwhelming myself by trying to do too much.

• I'm constantly overwhelmed trying to balance all the things in my life. 
• When my daughter got a cold and we were forced to slow down, I realized maybe I was the problem.
• I wonder if I'm trying to make up for all those months in the pandemic when we didn't do anything.

I think it was a Sunday a few months ago when I had a birthday party to attend in the afternoon, a dinner to go to afterward, and then a freelance project to start that night that I thought, "Hmm, maybe I'm overdoing it a bit."

The day before, it had poured for hours, the kind of rain that came with little respite, but while my partner was out of town, my 3-year-old daughter and I still went out for coffee, to the farmers market, the library, then out to lunch with pals before heading home to cook dinner. When a friend asked later why on earth I'd been running all over the place in that shitty weather — her family hadn't left the house all day — I paused before answering. I wasn't sure.

I'm constantly overwhelmed

During the week, over meals and while we chat as I get ready for bed because, when else can we, I complain to my partner about how I constantly feel overwhelmed by trying to balance everything — work, freelancing, hanging out with our daughter while being present, being a good child/friend/cousin/aunt/niece, and partner too of course.

Not to mention the time I can barely find to get in some kind of minimal exercise before having to get my kid ready and out the door for school, clean, wash, fold, and put away the laundry, go through the piles of mail before bills get sent to collections or discount offers expire, make doctor appointments and coordinate professionals to come over and look at our leaking roof, unpredictable furnace, etc.

And forget the particular brand of stress that comes with making holiday plans and meals, trying to shop in a meaningful way, and meeting deadlines so you can fully unplug. It's not like I think I'm unique, by the way. This seems to just be life as an adult in 2023, maybe particularly an adult with a job and a kid, but really, most adults I know are struggling in some way with the endless pulls of everyday life.

If I've made it sound like all I do is logistic, know that I have fun, too! In fact, maybe it's precisely all the routine-ing during the week that has me packing in such a punch on the weekends. I fill our family days with birthday parties, hour-long trips to indie bookstores or to hang with old colleagues who live on the other side of the mountains, dinner at a friend's bar, potluck lunches, rinse, repeat.

I cancelled all our plans when she got sick

When my daughter came down with RSV a few weeks ago, and I was forced to cancel all of our immediate plans, I started to wonder if I was, in fact, part of the problem.

I shared this with a friend who responded that she had done almost nothing the weekend before, leaving her house only once to get dumplings, and it had been just what she needed. If this were a cartoon, you could have heard the sound effects as I scratched my head in slow motion. Perhaps I didn't leave enough room for downtime.

While my kiddo recovered from her cold over a long weekend, we did very little, and it was glorious. We made spiced apple cider drinks, watched movies, and took naps. Not since my daughter was a baby had I stayed home to take a nap with her in the middle of the day and then never got dressed and put my contacts in again.

By the time Monday rolled around, we were all feeling pretty healthy and well-rested. Would the feeling stay? And why had I been running my family around so ragged prior? I'm not a Type A person, though I am an ex-New Yorker, which means I'm a bit of a perfectionist and an overachiever, though nothing compared to some.

I'm making up for lost time

I moved to the country and had a kid all around the start of the pandemic, which means during the early part of my child's life, we weren't allowed to do much socializing. We spent so many months cooped up by ourselves despite our new surroundings, perhaps I felt an unconscious urge to get out there as much as possible once we finally could.

Another thing is that I like going to the bookstore and the vintage shop and spending time connecting with friends and laughing and sharing meals — it's enriching and fulfilling and just as needed as taking time to rest. It's just, I'm realizing, too much to do all the things, all the time.

I'm not about to completely clear my schedule, nor do I want to, but I have said no to a few things recently, and I'm trying to be more realistic about what I have time and energy for — which makes me feel at least slightly less overwhelmed.