Miss Manners: She’s playing the victim after her rudeness set me off
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I have known each other for many years. This woman is always late, even though she has no children living at home and her husband is away frequently.
We get together for lunch a few times a month, and I can’t remember her being on time more than once or twice. There is always an excuse. I’ve tried making jokes about it, and she doesn’t change.
The excuses never involve an emergency — just that she was talking with a neighbor, or she stopped at a store to do an errand, etc.
The last time we planned to get together, she was a half-hour late. Granted, she did text, saying she was detained because her neighbor caught her on the way out the door and started talking. (Personally, I would have told my neighbor I had an appointment and that I would talk to her later.)
When my friend finally got to the restaurant parking lot, I lost it and confronted her. I then got in my vehicle and left. I’m tired of feeling like she couldn’t care less if we meet.
Of course, a few days later, I sent a text apologizing very sincerely. No response. I tried calling — no answer. I even went to her home, and no one answered the door. Not sure if she was home or not.
Finally, she sent me a very condescending text. She stated that she needed to have no contact with me for a few months. She said she could not handle the way I spoke to her.
I know I was wrong, and I apologized, but she acts like she has never done anything wrong — that she is always right and being late is no big deal.
GENTLE READER: Did you convince her that there was plenty of blame to go around? Miss Manners suspects not.
Yelling at someone, and then having to apologize, almost guarantees you will not be heard.
Only next time — if there is a next time — will you be able to say, “Again, I’m sorry that I was rude, and I’m sorry that I didn’t say something sooner and more calmly. But it bothers me that you are never on time.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When dining at a buffet just before closing, I had finished and my mother was lingering over her meal.
If the closing time is known, shouldn’t we make the effort to finish and leave by that time, or else order the meal to go?
GENTLE READER: That would be a kindness to the waitstaff. You also owe consideration to your mother, by not rushing her through a meal.
Keep both in mind as you gently urge your mother through dessert — while simultaneously conveying to the staff, with a look, that you intend to vacate the premises before dawn.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.