Science Says You Should Say 'No' To That Party You're Dreading

’Tis the season for indulging in food, premium telly, getting new, soft PJs, and cold, dark evenings that start at 4 PM.

And for some unholy reason, people have decided that now is also the perfect time to socialise. Make that make sense (can I please just enjoy my food coma without having to face Storm Gerrit or trousers with buttons on them?).

There’s nothing worse than realising that the dreaded social event you half-heartedly committed to months ago is coming up ― but a recent paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that saying “no” to the meet-up might actually not be as big a deal as we think.

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Julian Givi, an assistant professor of marketing at West Virginia University, conducted the study after stressing about declining a wedding invitation.

In his research, he found a separate study revealing that 77% of us had accepted an invitation to an event we didn’t want to attend.

“We worry about the negative ramifications that might arise. Will the person who offered the invitation be angry? Will they think I do not care about them? Will they invite me to do something again down the road?” Givi said. 

So, he got over 2,000 participants to take part in five rounds of experimentation. Half of these took on the role of invitees, and half were inviters.

They were asked to imagine themselves in real and hypothetical situations, like asking (and being asked to) events like going to a museum. they were then asked how they’d feel if someone said “no.” 

And? 

“Invitees have exaggerated concerns about how much the decline will anger the inviter, signal that the invitee does not care about the inviter, make the inviter unlikely to offer another invitation in the future,” the study found. 

“This asymmetry emerges in part because invitees exaggerate the degree to which inviters focus on the decline itself, as opposed to the thoughts that ran through the invitee’s head before deciding.“

In other words, you’re probably overthinking how much your host cares about your absence ― so let’s tuck into those leftovers and get going on that box set, shall we?