I’m 45 & not a virgin but didn’t have sex with my husband until marriage – he asked me to stay celibate on the 3rd date
A COUPLE who stayed celibate until marriage — despite both previously being sexually active — insist that abstinence helped their relationship.
Rian Goins, 40, brought up the topic of celibacy on his third date with his now-wife Noelle, 45.
He asked if she would wait to have sex until they tied the knot because of his spirituality.
Rian cited the anticipation and claimed that their sex life is now phenomenal.
Noelle, who was raised Catholic, and Rian, raised Christian, had both previously been intimate in relationships.
While Noelle had never been married before, Rian had — and celibacy had not been a consideration for him then.
“In my first marriage, I didn’t wait, I was younger then with a different take on life,” he said.
“Now I have spirituality and mental maturity,” Rian explained.
With Noelle, Rian knew he had met his future wife and felt God was telling him to be celibate until marriage.
Noelle agreed and the couple tied the knot nine months after meeting on a dating app in February 2021.
“I wanted an anticipation for that moment,” said Rian, who owns a pest control business and lives in Los Angeles.
“I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Noelle and from a faith perspective, I was honoring God,” he explained.
They said consummating the marriage was amazing, and they believe being abstinent helped their marriage through tougher moments.
“Being celibate developed a really emotional and spiritual connection and only enhanced the physical,” Noelle said.
She opened up about the conversation the pair had during their third date.
“He believed I was the one he was going to marry,” Noelle said.
“I asked a lot of questions. I didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t good in bed,” she explained.
After kissing Rian, Noelle said she was “willing to take that chance, in waiting.”
“Celibacy has a bigger purpose, we weren’t just doing it to say we waited before getting married,” Rian explained.
The couple was still affectionate but found the next few months hard to resist each other.
“We would cuddle and we had intimacy without going all the way there,” Noelle said.
“It got harder the closer we got to the wedding but we still managed to hold out,” she added.
According to the couple, their abstinence allowed them to get to know each other on an emotional level.
“It was wonderful, I was intentionally getting to know her, we went on hikes and to the movies,” Rian said.
After four months of dating, he proposed after taking “a sign from God.”
“I was praying, I felt God tell me to tie the knot and I absolutely knew that I loved her,” he said.
After their wedding day, the couple wasted no time in getting intimate.
“We had sex the next day,” Noelle revealed.
“To say our vows before God and consummate the marriage, it was a spiritual blessing,” Rian added.
After celebrating two years of marriage, Noelle and Rian said celibacy has served their marriage.
“I lost my dad and in that moment I was grieving and I was sad so sex was off the table,” Noelle explained.
“I really believed it helped our marriage and it helped our sex life now, you have to cater to your spouse,” he said.
“We attribute celibacy to the growth of our marriage,” the couple concluded.