My male best friend has been exchanging naughty messages with my boyfriend
DEAR DEIDRE: My boyfriend looked me straight in the face and denied he was into gay pornography or had been sexting other men – yet I know he’s lying.
One of my best friends, who is gay, told me recently he recognised my boyfriend.
In fact, they’d been sexting each other for months.
I was convinced my friend had made a mistake but I was rattled enough to look at my boyfriend’s phone history.
I was fully expecting to find porn but was completely floored to see it was all gay porn.
Opening his messages I saw all the naked videos my friend and he had exchanged, though I only watched one — that was enough for me.
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I’ve been his girlfriend for three years and we are saving to buy our own place.
It’s taking a while to save so we mostly spend our evenings in, watching TV.
I’ve been checking up on him since and he’s been accessing gay porn sites every time I go to work.
Recently I pretended a friend of mine was worried about her boyfriend because she’d found gay pornography on their laptop.
When I told my boyfriend the saga he shrugged and said: “Weird. Why would anyone do that?”
I am so concerned about it. I feel like I don’t know who he really is.
I’ve now confronted him about what I’ve found but he’s in denial.
He’s been saying: “Come on, babe. You know I’m not into men. I love women and you.”
We are both 29. I don’t know what to do.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If you’re committing to buying a house, you have to sort this out.
Because he is looking at gay sites, it doesn’t necessarily make him gay but exchanging sexual images is clearly cheating.
Pornography websites are designed to hook you in, and the more you watch, the more they take you to extreme thrills.
Hoping he’d talk to you about his habit backfired so you need to be more direct.
He may be curious about gay sex but as these sites now seem to be his “go-to”, you have to tell him what you saw.
It wasn’t your intention to snoop after all.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you to tackle the conversation and a second one, Bisexual Questions, will explore this further and is something you can read together.