After two years I discovered I was just his sexy bit on the side
DEAR DEIDRE: Two years in a relationship and I’m still just the “sexy bit on the side”.
I’m furious. My lover said he was single and I’d never have slept with him had I known the truth.
Now I’m wondering if I should tell his partner what a cheating sleaze bag he is.
I’m 32 and he is 34. We met at a conference, shortly after I broke up with a long-term ex.
He told me he was single too. The sex was amazing but I made it clear from the start I didn’t want to get deeply involved, as I was concentrating on my career.
We agreed to meet for sex when we were in each other’s towns and to keep in touch by message in between.
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Seeing each other every couple of months kept things fresh and exciting. I’ve never had more orgasms in one session than with him.
But we also talked, and I felt close to him. I thought maybe things could develop between us in the future.
The other week, I had to go to a last-minute meeting near his home. I called when I arrived and said I would pop over later.
He sounded freaked out. Then I heard a woman in the background, asking him who he was talking to.
Cold shivers ran through me as I realised she must be his partner.
Later, he admitted it, saying he’d been with her for five years, but didn’t think it mattered as I only wanted no-strings sex.
But I am angry and devastated that he lied and used me for extracurricular fun.
He’s not the person I thought he was. Should I tell his girlfriend the truth?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You are angry because your lover wasn’t honest with you and you did not consent to being the other woman.
You are also hurting because you developed feelings for him and thought your relationship could develop – when that was never a possibility.
Telling his girlfriend might make you feel better briefly, but it will only cause her pain.
It sounds like she already suspects and it will not help you get over him.
Instead, give yourself time to grieve the relationship so that when you are ready, you can look for a partner who is capable of commitment.
My support pack, Mend Your Broken Heart, should help you get over him.