5 signs you're dating a dark empath, and why they're harder to spot than a narcissist

• Dark empaths have personality traits including narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.
• But they also have empathy, which can make them dangerous and hard to spot.
• Dark empaths intellectually understand people's feelings, making it easy to manipulate them.

When it comes to dating, most people try to avoid falling for a narcissist.

But there's a personality type some psychologists deem even harder to spot: a dark empath.

The term "dark empath" was coined by researchers in 2021 to describe people who rank high in the dark triad personality traits — narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism — and high in empathy.

Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University, told Business Insider that dark empaths are like narcissists in many ways, except they can be even harder to spot.

She said having empathy is "adding a tool to a narcissist toolbox that helps them be more effective in getting people to do what they want them to do or understanding how to appeal to people."

While a dark empath is a cluster of traits — not a diagnosis — Degges-White shared a few signs you might be entangled with a dark empath.

1. They express empathy but don't emotionally connect with you

While the name "dark empath" implies the ability to care about other people on some level, Degges-White said there are different kinds of empathy, and not all of them translate to true connection.

"Cognitive empathy means 'I understand on an intellectual level what you're feeling,'" she said. "'You're crying, so you must be sad; you're looking distressed, so you must be having a hard time.'"

The difference between cognitive empathy, what dark empaths have, and a deeper sense of empathy is the ability to feel and bond over what the other person is feeling.

She said that while a dark empath can take in the cues and details of a person's emotions, they never let those feelings personally affect them.

2. They're extremely good at love bombing

Love bombing is when a person showers you with affection, usually at the very beginning of a relationship and any time they want to keep you around after a big fight or conflict. It's a common trait of narcissistic personality types, and can be even trickier to spot with dark empaths.

"In the beginning, they're what you want them to be because they can read what you want," Degges-White said.

While a classic narcissist might try to impress you with luxury gifts and expensive outings, a dark empath can take it a step further and try to mold themselves to your emotional needs, such as appearing more sensitive.

"They're trying to be that person because they want you to like them," she said, noting that it feeds their narcissistic ego.

3. They perfectly align with your political views

Part of the way dark empaths can try to impress others is by taking up all the same interests — including a dedication to the same political and social justice causes, Degges-White said.

"Whenever we're fighting the common enemy, our emotions are revved up," Degges-White said. "A dark empath would be very appealing because we'd be presuming that they share our interest and are as excited as we are."

Degges-White said that because these people often lack impulse control, a dark empath "might be willing to even go more all out," convincing others that they're a true crusader for the cause.

4. They have narcissistic tendencies

While their approach to winning you over might look different than classic narcissists, Degges-White said they ultimately treat you the same — wearing you down in arguments and needing to be the center of attention at all times.

"You have to constantly feed their ego," she said. "You're either going to be walking with eggshells all the time, or you have to be willing to be their possession that they're able to trot out."

5. They rarely try to improve

While it's not impossible for a dark empath to seek out self-improvement, Degges-White said it's quite rare and usually takes a dramatic life event to get them into therapy.

"There's got to be a strong enough motivating factor," she said. It could take the threat of prison, losing significant relationships, or a beloved job on the line for them to consider changing their ways.

Have you dated or known someone like this? Email the reporter at jpugachevsky@businessinsider.com