My fiancée constantly looks at photos of her ex and I fear marriage could be a mistake
DEAR DEIDRE: WITH my fiancée constantly looking at photos of her ex, it’s making me question whether to go ahead with our wedding.
A couple of times I have even caught her looking at his snaps in our bed.
I told her it upset me and has left me paranoid she still has feelings for him.
She was very apologetic, reassuring me it was a mistake and that she loves me.
I’m 28 and she’s 27. Last year we had an argument and since then, I’ve gone through her phone a couple of times and found that she has looked him up.
If you go into someone’s internet history, you can find every photo or picture they look at.
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She has gone through his social media photos one by one. And she’s done it on at least three occasions.
This is making me question if I should call off our wedding… and our relationship. He’s a good-looking guy and they were each other’s first loves. I have a huge knot in my stomach the whole time.
She says she loves me but I’m not sure any more. What should I do?
Am I the problem? I need your advice desperately.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your fiancée is entitled to a private life. I understand you’re feeling hurt but would you feel happy if she went through your phone without telling you?
You are the person she loves. You are the man she is marrying. That means a lot.
Relationships come and go but you two are serious about each other. It’s entirely natural to remember previous relationships, especially in the run-up to a big commitment like marriage.
I wonder if you have been let down in past relationships or if you’ve had a partner who cheated on you previously.
My support pack on Jealousy explains more and will help you to deal with this.
If you feel you would benefit from talking to somebody impartial about your feelings, then my support pack on Counselling will also help.
When you are in a calm state of mind, it’s important you speak to her about your insecurities, and she may be able to reassure you.
You will know you have got to a good stage when the temptation to check up on her stops – and this is essential to develop a strong bond between the two of you.
My support pack How To Look After Your Relationship will help you to build trust.