Girlfriend says she feels discomfort during sex and is now avoiding it

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has been complaining about feeling sore during and after sex.

She huffs and puffs while we’re at it, saying I’m not doing it the same and that I feel a lot bigger than before.

I’m 24 and she’s 22 and we’ve been together for a year.

We really love each other and, for the first 11 months, weren’t able to keep our hands off each other.

But over the last month things have changed massively for the worse in the bedroom, to the point now where I feel she might even be avoiding it.

We have even had to abandon sex halfway through because she says she feels too much discomfort.

I’m worried that if we can’t sort this, we’ll split up.

I mentioned it to a couple of friends but they just made fun of me and started calling me “The Porn Star”.

I don’t think I’m particularly big and none of my previous girlfriends complained before.

And I definitely haven’t got bigger down there because I’ve measured.

I don’t know what’s wrong. I’ve tried to enter her really slowly and gently and have spent a lot of time on foreplay but nothing seems to make any difference.

I’ve bought so much lube from the local pharmacy, they must think I’m filling a paddling pool.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are obviously a very loving and considerate boyfriend and can be assured you’re doing all the right things.

You’re right that this situation won’t be as a result of you having grown.

One explanation is that she isn’t as aroused when you make love.

Even though you are taking your time over foreplay, if she feels anxious, this would still limit her normal responses.

Alternatively, she may have picked up an infection such as thrush.

This doesn’t necessarily mean either of you has cheated but it can be passed between a couple.

Suggest she contacts Brook (brook.org.uk), which helps under-25s with their sexual health.

My support pack How To Thrill A Woman In Bed will give you other ideas to help you ensure sex is enjoyable for her.