Desperate For Cock Much? This Woman Is Going To Grad School

Here’s a story about a woman who’s so horny it’s seriously palpable: This woman is going to grad school.

Yiiiiiikes. Can anyone say, “Desperate for cock, much?”

Having exhausted all other options to meet men to fuck, 34-year-old Maria Oscila is so thirsty for dick that she’s enrolled in a seven-year literature PhD program at the University of Michigan. While other women her age merely go out to a bar or join a dating app to get laid, poor Maria is so cum-starved she’s actually going to write a 400 page dissertation about James Joyce in the hopes it impresses some neckbeard with a Walt Whitman tattoo enough to suck her tits.

Facepalm. Some women are paid to have sex, meanwhile this one is legit going into $200K worth of debt just for the possibility of it.

It’s truly so heartbreaking that Maria’s reached such a long dry spell that joining a program with one man to every nine women in which she’ll discuss the goddamn Canterbury Tales for the sixth time in her academic life has actually become her best chance at landing a deep dicking. We’re crossing our fingers that Maria will be able to score a coveted TA slot that will at least introduce her to some undergrad guys who might be mildly excited by the prospect of getting some sloppy toppy from an aging woman who is, believe it or not, exponentially hornier than they are.

What a disaster. Doesn’t Maria know that joining a running club is a much cheaper way to try to get dicked down? Here’s hoping she does get laid while she gets that degree, because otherwise the situation is too bleak to bear.