A Mom-to-Be Wants To Honor The Baby-Naming Pact She Created With Her Ex & Reddit Isn't Quite Sure Who's Wrong Here
Pretty much any time we think about Reddit baby name drama, we are instantly brought back to the time a man wanted to name his baby after his late ex-girlfriend. Because once you know people have plans like that — plans that they think are so sturdy that they put them on a virtual pedestal and let the internet descend — how could you forget?
“The way I see it is that Nancy was very important to me for a really long time,” he said. “…I feel as though it would be a great way to remember and honor a dear friend who I miss every day.”
In that case, people on the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit firmly agreed that he was the [incredibly clueless] a—hole. Now, we have a somewhat similar scenario. There’s a baby who has yet to be named, and an ex whose memory is weighing heavily on that decision. But this time, Reddit isn’t quite so sure who is in the wrong.
So What Happened?
A 31-year-old man joined Reddit to share that he and his 24-year-old girlfriend are having their first child. They’ve been together for nearly six years — “We met when I was 25 and she was 19 through a dating app,” he said to those who were concerned about if she was a minor — and have had a “very positive relationship overall.”
Things were reportedly going fine until last week when they started talking about baby names. The man who originally posted (the “OP”) explained that his girlfriend dated a woman before they met. The ex made her promise to name her first child after a nickname they had for each other.
“Apparently [my girlfriend has] kept this promise to heart until last week when she sat me down for a serious conversation and told me about it all,” OP said.
OP’s Response
“Obviously” OP told her “absolutely not.” “[I was] half thinking she was joking but when she stayed adamant about it for the whole evening, even during a shouting match in which I said some things that I am beginning to regret.”
In the morning, she was gone and had left a note saying she couldn’t be with a “homophobic, controlling a—hole.”
After some prodding, OP — who said he was “crushed” — edited his post to explain that he used “crude names” but “not any slurs” to insult his girlfriend, her ex, and their relationship.
“I always referred to their relationship as ‘pathetic’ and ‘barely counting as a relationship.'”
He then found himself backpedaling, explaining that he meant that because they dated while in high school. “Not at all because they were two women.”
“I desperately want to crawl back to her and apologize, even beg for her to forgive me and come back…At this point, I’d accept it as a name. I really love her.”
So now he wants to know, “AITA for arguing with my girlfriend for wanting to name our firstborn from something she promised her ex.”
Reddit’s Reaction
Reddit (and yours truly!) is feeling all kinds of way about this. Is that a f*cked-up request on the part of the girlfriend? Hell yeah! How incredibly disrespectful toward your partner and your child’s parent to consider your ex’s past desires before their current needs. To go along with this plan of naming the baby after the old nickname is — pardon our French — batsh*t.
Or, as others put it. “Insane.” “Whacko.” “Bananas.” And “childish.”
“If my husband wanted to name our kid some name that he and his middle school girlfriend picked out, I’d leave him. It’s really weird to even suggest that.”
“I’m not sure why she would honor something like that. It’s a weird hill to die on.”
People think it might be a sign that the girlfriend still has feelings for her ex. If so, that’s a whole other AITA post in the making.
AITA for arguing with my girlfriend for wanting to name our firstborn from something she promised her ex
byu/aitathrowaway3781 inAmItheAsshole
But. If the question is “Was he the a—hole for how he reacted?” Yeah. He probably was. He probably was nastier than he made himself out to be (because most people would paint themselves in as good of a light as possible), and there’s no question he needs to apologize for how he reacted. (Especially depending on how far he went. Reddit still believes things probably did get homophobic.)
“Be sincere…remember the mission,” one Redditor said before amazing us with truly beautiful advice. “Your kid is the most important thing here, but your relationship is an incredibly close and entangled thing. That child will do way better with both of you there, and if you truly love this woman (and it sounds like you do) you have got to eat some serious crow on this one.”
“If the name bothers you, and I agree with you on that point, you gotta breathe deep stay calm and just keep your head on your shoulders,” that person continued. “Don’t go into it all revved up for a boxing match. Go in for contrition and resolution, everything will work out.”
Update
Less than four hours after posting (a new record?!), OP came back with a final update. He said his girlfriend messaged him apologizing and said she would come by so they could talk.
“I have sent her an apology for the harshness and reassured her of the validity of her last relationship and why I said what I said,” he wrote. “I will leave the post up but I want to focus on her and the child so won’t be replying to comments anymore. Thank you all for the advice and for what you said…”
Fingers crossed he’ll come back just one more time to let us know what name they landed on.
Before you go, check out some of Reddit’s wildest baby name dilemmas.