Ask Amy: Things are getting noisy for married couple living with parents
Dear Amy: I’m a 27-year-old woman. My parents are very strong and religious people who are “never wrong.” They hear but do not listen.
My fiancé and I asked them if we could move in with them for financial relief while I finished school.
We both work from home and have been doing so for over a year — until he recently got fired from his job.
One of the terms of his contract was to have no background noise because he worked exclusively over the phone.
My parents would consistently yell, laugh, and have the TV on at the loudest volume.
I asked them to please keep the volume lower. They were very defensive.
My fiancé ended up getting fired from his job, leaving me responsible for all of our finances, as well as some of my parents’ bills in the household.
The company did not give a reason, but we are almost certain it was due to the noise issue.
I mentioned this to my mother. She immediately disregarded the seriousness of what I was telling her. She also said that she has the right to watch television and talk in her own home.
At no point did I ever tell them they are not allowed to watch TV, laugh, talk, etc. I just asked that they do it at a lower volume.
I’m currently not speaking to my mother. My father is upset and is acting as if I committed a crime.
I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place now because we can’t afford to move because we only have one income.
The job market may take a while to present an opportunity, and my parents are giving me the silent treatment.
They have yet to speak to us or even offer my fiancé an apology for getting him fired from his job.
Is there any kind of advice you may be able to offer?
— Bothered!
Dear Bothered!: My perspective is that you may have inherited your mother’s defensiveness and poor communication skills, because you didn’t seem able to get your folks to voluntarily cooperate with your wants and needs — which would require them to alter their behavior in their own home.
One way to do this would have been for you to say, “Look, we know this is tough. But the quieter it is for a couple of months, the harder we can work, the more money we can save, and the faster we can be out.”
It’s their home. Given their own poor communication habits, you could assume that they are deliberately sending you a message: You are an adult pushing 30. Your parents really don’t want to provide housing for you and your fiancé.
Like your folks, it’s possible that you “hear but don’t listen.”
Your fiancé should not wait for a job opportunity to present itself. He should take absolutely anything he can find (preferably outside the home), and you two should plan your exit.
Dear Amy: I’ve known “Dave” for five years.
About a year ago, Dave and I suddenly became intrigued with each other.
It has come to the point where when we see each other at a certain place he sits alone in order to let me come and sit with him so we can spend time together.
Our attraction is mutual. Friends have even noted it.
I love this man for who he is, but I want for more than just happenstance dictating that we will run into each other and talk for hours.
Things seemed to start heating up about six months ago. He asked for my number back then, but has failed to use it.
He does not call, text, or respond to anything on social media.
We are the same age, late 50s.
I love spending time with him, but hate not knowing when we will see each other again.
We have both been single for more than 20 years. Is it too late to expect and want something more?
— Lonely in Love
Dear Lonely: Life is too short to stalk the coffee shop, hoping for a “chance” encounter.
The phone, as we used to say, works both ways.
Call him!
Dear Amy: Responding to “Superstitious” about how to get rid of a bad-luck wedding ring: My mother dropped a ring that we didn’t want into the pocket of a coat we were donating to charity.
We have always enjoyed wondering what happened to it.
— Lord of the Ring
Dear Lord: I’ve received hundreds of responses to this question.
Yours is my favorite.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)