Woman who bans alcohol from her home is not wrong, says therapist, Reddit users
A woman on Reddit who wishes to make her new home an "alcohol-free zone" should do as she wishes despite her family's objections, according to others who weighed in on the drama.
Reddit user "East-Expression8029" asked readers of Reddit's "Am I the A--hole" (AITA) subreddit on Friday, March 1, to weigh in on her dilemma. She said she wants to "want to make my apartment an alcohol-free zone."
In the post, she said she's a 26-year-old woman and will be moving to her new apartment in the near future.
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"I’m not a huge drinker and only drink the occasional fruity cocktail when I go out for dinner with my bff or will have a shot of soju if I’m feeling adventurous," she wrote.
She also said she doesn't drink at home, "and would rather stick to coffee and boba tea."
The rest of her family, however, are apparently big drinkers.
The woman wrote that her father "is a functioning alcoholic who won't admit it and will get drunk if alcohol is around."
As a result of this and her personal preferences, East-Expression8029 said she has "decided to make my new place alcohol-free."
She said, "I know nobody besides [my] family who drink[s] and don’t think people need alcohol to have a good time."
The announcement, however, did not go over well with her family in a group chat, the woman said.
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"My dad and uncle both think I'm being silly and should allow people to bring drinks along if they visit," she said.
But "I don't want people drinking at my house," she added.
Other members of the family "are shocked that this excludes wine" as they had planned on bringing wine to her housewarming party.
Her family, she said, felt that a list of non-alcoholic alternative housewarming gifts was "not traditional."
"All my friends don’t drink, so they don’t care," she said.
She continued, "I personally feel that they can drink everywhere else, and one place that [they] will probably visit once in a blue moon doesn’t need to have alcohol."
Her father, however, had no intention of following her rules.
"Dad actually told me he would bring alcohol anyway, because you need a drink in summer when you are celebrating," she said.
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In an edit to the post, East-Expression8029 said that she plans to "stick to [her] guns" on the issue of alcohol.
"If my family decide to choose alcohol over me, my friends and I will have a great time celebrating my new place and my parents can stay home," she said. She added, "I want to enjoy the people and not have everyone get wasted and potentially ruin the night."
Fox News Digital reached out to East-Expression8029 for additional updates.
A therapist told Fox News Digital that the woman can do whatever she wants with her house, but that the family's dynamics indicate a larger problem.
"Ultimately, it’s her house and she has the authority to decide the rules. However, the underlying problem seems to be the family dynamics and boundaries," Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, told Fox News Digital in an email.
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Goldberg noted that East-Expression8029 felt guilty for going against her family's wishes, saying that "this may be the first time she is establishing boundaries by making decisions that differ from her family's expectations."
"If she stands by her choices despite the repercussions (such as them being angry or boycotting), she will demonstrate that she has the right to make decisions that suit her needs," said Goldberg.
If the woman decides to allow her family members to drink, "she implies that she is still letting them sway her decisions," Goldberg said.
"It’s very difficult for many people to set boundaries and alter family patterns, and this situation is no exception."
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Goldberg told Fox News Digital that East-Expression8029 "must do what she feels comfortable with."
"If she is prepared to cope with the emotions that arise from family disagreements, then she is ready to proceed with altering her established role in the family," she said.
The majority of the over 700 replies to the post were in agreement that East-Expresion8029 was not wrong for wanting to set rules for her house.
On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A--hole"), "YTA" ("You're the A--hole"), "NAH" ("No A--holes Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").
Users can "upvote" responses they think are helpful and "downvote" ones that are not.
"NTA. Your house, your rules. They are free to not visit you if alcohol is more important to them than your company," said user "WaywardMarauder" in the top-upvoted reply.
Others concurred, saying that it was perfectly reasonable to prohibit alcohol at her own house and that she was "NTA" for doing so.
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Another Reddit user, identifying as an alcoholic in recovery, said that East-Expresion8029 could take this opportunity to "talk frankly" with her family about alcohol.
"But maybe it’s time to ask your family, ‘What is it about my company that isn’t good enough? Why do you feel you need to try to change your reality around me to feel comfortable?’" said the user.
The person added, "Get real with them. Make them confront their drinking head on."
And another user suggested a compromise: Have alcohol-free wine, beer, and spirits.
"I've heard they make pretty decent alcohol-free wine now," said Reddit user "life1sart," noting, "I can tell you from experience that there are plenty of good alcohol-free beers."
This means that "they can still bring their drink, just not with alcohol in it."
The same user wrote, "Maybe get some … alcohol-free champagne to celebrate with if they really want to do a toast."
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