My wife refuses to have children and blames money – she spends it on holidays and cars instead

DEAR DEIDRE: WHENEVER I bring up starting a ­family, my wife says we can’t afford to have children.

I’m 39, she is 37 and we’ve been married for nine years.

I have always imagined myself as a dad with at least two kids but my wife says it’s not possible due to the cost.

Despite this, she will happily squander money on cars, fancy holidays, jewellery and anything she desires.

Surely, if we can’t afford children, we can’t afford all these luxuries either.

Naturally, she doesn’t want to hear this and dismisses my feelings.

My wife led me to believe that we would start a family two or three years after we married.

But once we tied the knot, she decided to study nursing at university.

Then she said she wanted to work for three or four years after she had qualified.

So again starting a family was put on hold. My wife is now a qualified and experienced nurse but we’re no closer to having children.

I have always buried my head in the sand about the issue but now I can no longer ignore it.

I feel jealous of friends who have children.

I’m worried that my wife won’t change her mind and I’ve considered leaving my marriage before it’s too late for me to have kids.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: A child deserves two loving parents and at the moment it sounds as though you are very much at odds with one another.

It’s time to stop burying your head in the sand and get some clarity around what is going on for her.

Let your wife know you are worried about your relationship.

Explain you feel a strong urge to become a parent and need to understand if she wants to have children with you at all.

You will need to be honest about your thoughts around finances and explain you feel it is feasible with sensible spending.

I’m sorry but if she refuses to consider trying for a baby then you either need to be prepared to let your dream go, or walk away from your relationship.

Neither option guarantees happin­ess so take these next steps slowly.

It would help to find a therapist to guide you through what will be life-changing decisions.

My support pack Thinking About Counselling? explains more.