Work lover is threatening to tell my boyfriend about our fling if I end it
I AM so ashamed of myself. I lapped up the attention of a senior trainer at work and stupidly had sex with him.
Now he’s hinting that he’ll tell my boyfriend everything if I don’t carry on seeing him.
I’ll admit that I was so flattered that someone so well respected at work would be interested in me.
After having my little girl five years ago I’d not had a job for ages and was loving the independence of going into the workplace.
I have a lovely partner — he is 38 and I’m 37. But things have been tough lately.
My partner works long hours and I had been feeling pretty bored at home. We were not giving one another much attention.
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Starting my new job as a fashion buyer, I was so nervous, but my trainer soon set me at ease and made it clear he fancied me. He’s 41.
I ignored his flirty remarks for a while but he persisted and I was flattered as my partner was taking no notice of me.
He gave me his number and suggested I text him if I needed help with anything.
One evening I texted him because I felt lonely.
We started to meet for sex, sometimes in his car, sometimes at his flat.
He was everything I could have wanted in a lover and my life felt exciting again.
Then one evening, my boyfriend made a real effort to get home early.
He put our daughter to bed and was so lovely with her, it felt like something slapped me around the face.
I realised I had too much to lose. I’ve told the trainer guy that I can’t see him any more.
His answer: “That’s a shame. We wouldn’t want your boyfriend to find out would we?”
Is he trying to blackmail me?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Yes it sounds like he is. But, like you, he has plenty at stake.
As someone more senior and in a position of power at work, by pursuing a sexual relationship with you, someone more junior, and now blackmailing you, he has sexually harassed you.
He’s on very shaky ground.
Don’t give in to his threats and tell him that unless he backs off you’ll be visiting HR.
You’d be wise to seek advice from ACAS (acas.org.uk) who give guidance on any workplace issues.
You have a difficult decision to make: Either come clean with your boyfriend – and it would admittedly be better for him to find out from you, rather than anyone else – or decide to keep your liaison to yourself.
Whatever you decide, it sounds like you truly regret straying. Use this warning to strengthen your relationship before you lose a good thing.