I’ve not had sex for two years and never felt happier – I’ve had horrific experiences on apps, says Chantelle Houghton
WATCHING the contestants enter the Celebrity Big Brother house last week took me right back to 2006.
It’s been 18 years since I joined the show as the “fake celeb”.
I had no idea that my life was about to change forever thanks to a romance with The Ordinary Boys frontman Preston, which captured the hearts of millions of viewers.
Although our whirlwind love story — which saw us marry within eight months of meeting — would end in divorce the following year, the way we fell for each other was pure and happened in such an organic way.
I feel so privileged to have experienced true love like that because I’m not sure it’ll ever happen again for me now.
The dating landscape has completely changed; decency seems to have gone out of the window, and in all honesty, after a series of heartbreaks, cheating partners and disastrous dates, I’ve now given up looking for love.
And don’t even get me started on the creeps who approach me on social media with sexually inappropriate messages.
Where have all the gentlemen gone?
Chivalry appears to be dead and I’d much rather go through the rest of my life single than settle for someone who makes me miserable.
At the age of 40, I’ve reached a place where I’m fine on my own.
In fact, I’m happier than ever.
That also means kissing goodbye to intimacy, making me officially celibate.
I’m far from alone.
Numerous studies have found that young women are giving up or having far less sex, and on TikTok voluntary or intentional celibacy is a huge trend.
The #celibacy hashtag has had more than 233million views on TikTok.
It’s Gen Z, those aged under 27, leading the way and rejecting casual sex and hailing the benefits to their mental health and energy.
But the trend is catching on — celebrities including actress Drew Barrymore have talked openly about celibacy too.
It’s been two years now and, without sex, I feel empowered, independent and free.
I’m no prude and I’d never judge anyone else, but for me, intimacy has to come hand-in- hand with a relationship.
If I’m going to bed with someone, I must have a real connection with them. I’ve never had a one-night stand in my life.
I don’t need a man to feel complete, and making the decision to walk away has felt like a huge weight lifting from me
Chantelle Houghton
People assume I must be desperate to find a partner.
I get asked all the time about when am I going to meet a nice guy, but why can’t I just be content on my own?
It’s like women are seen as losers if they haven’t got a boyfriend or a husband — that whole “ooh, time’s ticking” attitude.
It’s different for men, of course!
They’re “allowed” to be single without any of the expectation or pressure to settle down.
But I don’t need a man to feel complete, and making the decision to walk away has felt like a huge weight lifting from me.
I don’t have the energy to play the dating game or the time to wade through the duds.
I also don’t want multiple men coming in and out of my daughter’s life — she’s 11 now and I’m absolutely fine devoting all my time to her.
I know there are good men out there, but most of them have already been snapped up.
When it came to men, I was constantly overlooking warning signs and only ever worrying about whether I was good enough for them
Chantelle Houghton
The only ones left who seem to understand basic manners are about 90 years old, so maybe I should get myself down to the old people’s home!
But seriously, is it too much to expect common courtesy?
I remember going for lunch in a bar with a guy who a friend set me up with.
He didn’t ask me a single question about my life and spent the whole time we were together staring over my shoulder, eyes trained on the door like he was planning his escape route!
It’s OK if he wasn’t into me (although he did ask for a second date which I declined), but when you’re having a meal with someone, it doesn’t hurt to be polite, make eye contact and show a little interest.
Over the years since my marriage to Preston ended, I’ve suffered everything from ghosting to gaslighting and I can spot a narcissist a mile off.
But it’s the decline in class and consideration which has shocked me.
The final straw for me came about a year ago.
My friends convinced me to join a dating app where I matched with a guy who, on paper, seemed great.
He was attractive, had a good job and came across as kind and caring.
He asked if he could take me to lunch and booked a place by the Thames, saying he wanted to treat me like a princess.
So far, so good.
I must admit that, when we met, I found it a little weird that he was downing the wines in the middle of the day while I was sticking to water.
But he was friendly and chatty — until it came to paying the bill.
When the waitress came over, he sat there and looked the other way. I ended up paying for the whole thing.
I never expect a free lunch, but bear in mind that he’d invited me on the date, chosen the restaurant and I’d only had a tiny sandwich and tap water while he’d put away a full meal and a gallon of wine.
I’d have been happy to meet the bloke for a coffee but instead it cost me £150!
But worse was to come.
Afterwards, he insisted on walking me back to my car where he not only took the p*** I drove a Mini, but we also discovered I’d received an £80 parking ticket.
He peeled it off my windscreen and handed it to me, saying: “You’ve had an expensive afternoon, haven’t you?”
He had the cheek to go in for a kiss, but I turned my head away, got into my car and drove home feeling deflated.
When he sent me a message that evening saying how much he’d enjoyed the date, I was angry.
I text him back, telling him I’d come away feeling rubbish.
He asked if we could see each other again so he could make it up to me.
I told him I’d rather just leave it and he wrote back in capital letters: “OK, YOUR CHOICE.”
Looking back, that guy was a walking red flag from the start with all his grand promises.
But just a few years ago I know for a fact I would have glossed over everything and accepted a second date.
When it came to men, I was constantly overlooking warning signs and only ever worrying about whether I was good enough for them.
Does my version of the perfect man exist? Maybe he’s out there, maybe he’s not
Chantelle Houghton
It’s only in the last two years that I’ve learned I deserve more.
I’m not saying I’m anything special — I know I’ve got my flaws — but I do think that I’m worthy of someone who will treat me with respect.
I think a lot of the problems with the lack of chivalry stem from social media.
Men can be merrily messaging several different women at the same time, keeping their options open.
I love not having to think about anyone else. I’m not beholden to anybody and that feels liberating.
Sure, sometimes I miss feeling a connection with someone but it’s only ever fleeting — my life is full and I don’t get lonely.
While I don’t have any regrets about doing Big Brother, I do sometimes wonder how my life would be now had I not gone on the show.
Before the series started, I was with a guy who I probably would have ended up marrying and having children with.
He was always so lovely to me.
As for Preston, we’re still good friends and I adore having him in my life.
We were just too young when we got married.
Whatever happens, I’m incredibly grateful and I’ve got the most amazing memories.
Does my version of the perfect man exist? Maybe he’s out there, maybe he’s not.
But I’m not seeking him any more and for the first time in many years, that has brought me peace.