I banned my teen from having a phone… mums constantly judge me as she walks home from school alone, but I don’t care
AS DOMINIQUE Lubin relaxes in the kitchen with a cup of tea, she doesn’t know exactly what her daughter Taejah is up to.
She might be tackling her homework, reading or watching TV.
But the beautician from Bromley, 36, knows one thing for sure.
Fifteen-year-old Taejah won’t be somewhere in the house scrolling on her phone simply because she doesn’t have one.
“In 2024, when someone hears that my teenage daughter has never had a mobile, their jaws drop and their eyebrows rise,’ she says.
“But I just smile. It may be unusual, but I know it is absolutely the right decision.”
A recent study found that 96 per cent of teenagers aged between 12 and 15 now own a mobile, and by 16-17 that number jumps to 98 per cent.
It’s become such an issue that the government is set to ban their use in schools across England.
‘Desperate for one’
Dominique is very happy that this won’t impact Taejah. After all, she can’t miss something she’s never had.
“Taejah first asked for a phone in primary school, with the usual comments that ‘all my friends have them’,’’ Dominique remembers.
“I was sceptical. But even if it were true, her primary school was a thirty second walk away from our front door.
“She certainly didn’t need one for safety.”
When Taejah then asked again at the start of secondary school, Dominique’s answer hadn’t changed.
“I know that many parents give their children phones for safety reasons as suddenly they’re travelling quite a distance.
“Luckily Taejah’s secondary is only a two-minute walk away.”
Safety concerns
The conversation around teenagers needing phones is often about safety, she says.
But it was the risks of the phone itself, and what was on it, that concerned Dominique.
“Social media apps are made and run by huge corporations,” she says. “And they specifically design it to become as addictive as possible.”
“We all know how you can pick up a phone to check one thing, only to realise that an hour has vanished.
“I didn’t want Taejah to be wasting her spare time endlessly and pointlessly scrolling.”
Then there are her concerns around bullying and mental health, which Dominique sees as huge issues for young women.
“It’s my job as a parent to protect Taejah from the pressures and nastiness that we all know are there on social media,” she says.
“Even normal, kind people make harsh comments, and that’s before you’ve even looked at the trolls.”
Not an easy ask
But if it sounds easy to say no to a teenager’s request for mobile, Dominique says, it isn’t.
Making and then sticking to her decision has taken work. But it all starts with having a strong, and honest relationship.
“I’m a single parent and Taejah and I are extremely close,” she explains.
“In an age-appropriate way I’ve explained why I feel a phone and social media just isn’t right for her yet.
“When I saw a news story about a suicide website which children had accessed, I showed the news report to Taejah.
“That wasn’t done so I could say ‘I told you so’. I did it so she’d understand why I protect her.”
In return Taejah speaks openly to her mum about the impact that phones have had on other teenagers she knows.
“She’s shared with me how much bullying there is, and how one girl’s intimate photos spread like wildfire,” she explains.
“The impact was devastating for her.”
Dominique works hard not to make social media seem like forbidden fruit.
She explains: “When I’m online for my work, and I come across a funny video, I’ll show it to Taejah.
“When TikTok first started her auntie really enjoyed making videos and the two of them would make silly dances together.
“The difference is that Taejah wasn’t allowed to have her own account to post them.”
Not having a phone also means that Taejah has time to be creative and imaginative.
That could be theatre school on a Saturday, boxing club or any other extracurricular activity.
Not having a phone certainly hasn’t stopped Taejah having tons of friends, socialising and enjoying her life to the full.
Her friends are all used to the fact that she doesn’t have a phone but it can be surprising when she meets someone new.
‘Absolutely agog’
“They are absolutely agog,” Dominique admits.
“The first question they ask her in astonishment is, ‘but then what do you do?’”
Dominique has found that most adults are similarly baffled.
“When I tell someone new that Taejah doesn’t have a phone, I can see the judgement form
in their eyes,” she says.
“I know they think that I’m wrapping her up in cotton wool.
“I don’t bother to explain or justify myself.
“I don’t tell them that Taejah has autonomy in so many parts of her life, or that she is perfectly happy most of the time with not having a phone.
“I refuse to explain myself to people who have already made up their mind up.”
The fact that Dominique uses her phone and social media is beside the point, she says.
‘Hypocritical mum’
“It might seem hypocritical that I use WhatsApp to chat with my friends and family and Instagram to find clients for my work,” she says.
“But to me it’s simple. I’m an adult who understands the risks and rewards and can make a proper judgement with all the life experience that I have.”
Dominique admits that being a single parent makes that easier, as she doesn’t have anyone else’s opinions to take into account.
“Of course, that also means I don’t have another adult there to support the choice that I’ve made,” she says.
At 16 she will be ready. She’ll have the maturity to handle a phone
Dominique Lubin
She is speaking out because she wants other parents to know that this really is an option for them.
“I know that not every family can do it this way, not everyone has a school so close,” she says.
“I just wish more people knew that if they’re able they really can make this decision for their children and that the sky doesn’t fall in.
“Is it hard work? Yes. Do you have to put the effort into building a trusting, open relationship with your child? Absolutely. But it is 100% worth it.”
If you ask Taejah right now, Dominique is sure she’d say that she’s glad most of the time not to have a phone.
Growing up
But when she turns 16 in November, Taejah knows exactly what will be on her present list.
“That’s when Taejah will be starting college, travelling further each day, and I’ve decided that’s when she can have a phone,” says Dominique.
“At 16 she will be ready. She’ll have the maturity to handle a phone.
“And after these valuable years without one, she’ll know that life doesn’t begin and end with having a phone in your hand.”