I met my ideal woman on an open relationship app but group sex is a fail

DEAR DEIDRE: DESPITE meeting the woman of my dreams, who I adore and who enjoys our sexually adventurous open relationship, our sex life is far from perfect. 

We met through a specialist dating app for those who aren’t interested in monogamy.

However, recently I’ve had problems rising to the occasion – it’s a first for me and I can’t understand what’s going wrong.

I’m 42 and a divorcee. After my marriage ended I was desperate for a bit of excitement in my life.

So when a friend suggested an open relationship dating app I jumped at the chance. 

I signed up hoping for a little fun, and was delighted when I quickly connected with my now girlfriend, 36.

Soon after I shared a passionate night with her and another couple.  

I couldn’t believe my luck when the encounter developed into much more. After years of boring sex in a loveless marriage, I started to come alive with her.

We grew closer and continued sleeping with other people together. It was amazing to meet a woman who was just as adventurous as me.

Recently things have shifted. While our relationship is going strong, every time we’ve tried swinging I’ve been struggling to get an erection. 

I love watching her with other people, but when it comes to my turn I struggle to get an erection. 

All I’ve ever wanted was more excitement in the bedroom and now I’ve got it I can’t perform with anyone else.

When my girlfriend takes over, I have no problems getting hard, so I can’t understand what the issue is. 

Why is this happening? Am I feeling guilty deep down about sleeping with another woman?

Being monogamous is the last thing my girlfriend and I want.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your mind is telling you one thing but your body is telling you something completely different.

While swinging may have worked for you both in the past, you’re clearly experiencing some kind of mental block, and your body isn’t responding because of it.

Many things can cause erection problems. From becoming distracted, feeling guilty, anxious, competitive, or jealous, there are a number of reasons why you may be struggling.

You yourself have asked if you could be feeling guilty for sleeping with someone other than your girlfriend. This is entirely possible so don’t be afraid to explore those thoughts. 

Pay attention to how you feel. 

The most important thing is to keep having honest conversations with your girlfriend.

Think about sex and relationship counselling if this issue persists COSRT (COSRT.org.uk) can help find a reputable therapist.