Brooke Shields Shares How She Taught Her Daughters To Handle Hate: 'It Only Bothers You If You Believe It'

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You might think that Brooke Shield’s daughters would be naturally confident in their appearance. Their mom is famed model and actress Brooke freakin’ Shields. And their dad, director Chris Henchy, isn’t too hard on the eyes either. All that to say, Rowan and Grier Henchy have great genes and every reason to feel outwardly beautiful.

But not even they are immune to the bullies and the pain that comes with being a young woman. (Heck, a woman at any age.)

When speaking with SHE Media’s CEO Samantha Skey at the SHE Media Co-Lab Whole Life Health at SXSW, Shields shared that Grier is bullied for her height. The 17-year-old is 6’1″ and “wow, wow, wow girls can be just plain mean,” said Shields.

“And she comes home and I just want to talk about it and she’s like, ‘Don’t tell me to lead with kindness, don’t tell me to take the high road. I’m getting a nosebleed with this high road,'” Shields jokes.

After being in the public eye for so long and herself on the receiving end of negative comments, Shields understands it’s “so hard not to get hurt.” And so what’s Step One in the Shields-Henchy household? A little vent sesh. The Blue Lagoon star lets her daughters come and vent to her before they start picking the interaction apart.

Then, instead of risking another metaphorical “nosebleed,” they start a conversation about why bullies do what they do and say what they say. It’s a conversation Shields (unfortunately) had with her mom growing up (and that you, dear reader, probably remember having with your parent or have with your kids now).

“Most of the vitriol that gets spewed at you, it only bothers you if you believe it,” Shields reminds her daughters.

“It taps into an insecurity of yours, but 99.9 percent of the time, it’s their problem,” she continues. “I want to rip people apart and probably could. But it’s like my mom used to say, ‘Count to 10, count to 10, count to 10.’ And then I realize, ‘Oh this is their problem [and] insecurity.'”

Otherwise, she says, why would they bother being so toxic and angry?!

These conversations have to start early because, unfortunately, these incidents — the scrutiny of and cruelty toward the female body — start immediately.

“I had a guy say to me, ‘God when does it begin? When does it start?'”

“It starts when they’re babies,” she told him. “And that’s what we also have to work on.”

If anyone would know this to be true, it would be Shields. Last year, she released a docuseries called Pretty Baby about growing up in the spotlight and the sexualization she experienced as a young girl in the entertainment industry. It’s also about showing young women — Rowan and Grier included — the reality of womanhood and the reality of aging. This is what their mom looks like. This is how their mother is living now.

“My older daughter saw the documentary and she said, ‘Mom, women need to see this. They need to see this,'” Shields recalls. “And that was a huge moment. She’s 20. So that was a big deal because she understood what that meant.”

“And you compare that to what’s happening in social media and what they’re met with every day,” she continues. “That spurred a conversation that I would’ve never had.”

Spurring conversations is what Shields seems to do best. When she isn’t chatting with Skey, she’s in conversation with the Duchess of Sussex (no big deal!) and Katie Couric Media at SXSW, hosting her podcast Now What?, and further developing Beginning is Now. The online platform is a place for women to come together to celebrate and commiserate over various stages of life — be it postpartum depression or menopause — various understandings of beauty and wellness (with an emphasis on what’s happening on the inside), and how best to step up and be heard.

“This isn’t, ‘I am woman hear me roar.’ It’s kind of just, ‘I’m a woman hear me more.'” And you better believe that made the crowd go wild.

These celeb parents have gotten very real about their kids growing up.