Rebuilding trust feels impossible after wife’s betrayal

Ever since my wife had an affair my trust in her has been broken. 

I’ve tried my best to give her the benefit of the doubt, but now she is planning to visit her male friend without me and I don’t know how to cope.

I’m 54, she’s 49 and we’ve been married for 20 years.

We’d always had an amazing relationship and it was very rare we ever had any issues.

Then a year ago she suddenly became distant and started shying away from sex and affection. 

I knew something was wrong when she became secretive with her phone and started to come home late from work.

It wasn’t long before a friend saw her out with another man and broke the news to me. I was heartbroken. 

When I confronted her she admitted to it instantly and begged forgiveness.

I agreed to work on our relationship, but my trust in her has disappeared.

Now one of her best friends from university has invited her to visit him in Spain for the weekend. She says that I’m welcome to join, but I have work commitments that I can’t reschedule.

I never had a problem with their friendship before and have met him several times, I now can’t stop myself from worrying. 

She’s cheated once, so what’s to stop her from doing it again?

DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve tried your hardest to move on from your wife’s betrayal, but it’s clear you still have unresolved feelings about the situation.

Her affair hurt you deeply, so rebuilding trust is going to take time.

It’s understandable that you’re worried, but letting that anxiety fester will only cause you more problems.

You need to be open and honest. Allow her the opportunity to reassure you and help you resolve these feelings. Perhaps she may postpone the trip until you can join her.

I’m sending you my support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over it? to help.