Dr. Seuss-quoting judge slaps down Rod Blagojevich lawsuit: 'Will you please go now?'
Oh, the places you'll go, Rod Blagojevich — they don't include the campaign trail.
That's the message Blagojevich received Thursday from a federal court judge who slapped down the disgraced Illinois lawmaker's legal plea for the right to return public office with unabashed quotes from Dr. Seuss.
"Read generally Dr. Seuss, 'Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!''" U.S. District Court Judge Steven Seeger wrote. He then quoted the 1972 children's book classic as follows: "The time has come. The time is now. Just Go. Go. GO! I don't care how. You can go by foot. You can go by cow. Marvin K. Mooney, will you please go now!"
For Mooney, read Blagojevich.
As a reminder, this affirmably not children's book story begins in 2008 when the then-Illinois governor was arrested on federal corruption charges that he tried to sell the U.S. Senate seat vacated by then-President-elect Barack Obama.
"I've got this thing and it's f------ golden" Blagojevich reportedly said. "I'm just not giving it up for ... nothing."
Blagojevich was subsequently impeached by the Illinois house at a vote of 117-1, removed by the state Senate at a vote of 59-0, convicted on ten counts of corruption and sentenced to 14 years in a prison, Seeger notes in his ruling.
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"At that point, Blagojevich's career came to a close," wrote Seeger. "The music stopped, the curtain fell, and he exited stage left."
Blagojevich only served eight years in prison after former President Donald Trump commuted his sentence in 2020.
In 2021, Blagojevich filed a lawsuit demanding the ability to represent Illinois again — which is what Seeger was considering.
Seeger notes the former governor did not file his motion quietly.
"Blagojevich didn't exactly file his complaint at the federal courthouse in the dead of night. He took the unusual step of calling a press conference to let the world know that he was filing a complaint," writes Seeger. "Blagojevich wants back in the game, and back on center stage, microphone in hand."
There's just one problem, which is the 10-page ruling in which the federal Illinois judge details the many legal reasons he won't be overturning the Illinois state Senate's decision to ban Blagovich from public office.
"The Constitution isn't chock-full of adjectives, but the Framers made a point of saying that the 'sole' power to impeach rests with the House, and the 'sole' power to remove rests with the Senate," writes Seeger. "'Sole' is a polite way of saying that the other branches need to butt out."
His take-no-nonsense tone earned Seeger much praise on social media Thursday when an eagle-eyed federal courts reporter shared his favorite quotes on X.
"Wow, that’s an incredible order," replied @legaleagle312. "Just wow."
BrunetteWreck opined, "Seeger is so great!"
Seeger's magnum opus of "no" ends with a mic drop of legalese.
"The case started with a megaphone, but it ends with a whimper," Seeger concludes. "He wants back. But he's already gone. Case dismissed."