I make my tradesmen wee in bushes – people call me a toilet tyrant but they’re not messing up my lovely loo
ENJOYING a cup of tea at her kitchen table, Emma Parsons-Reid was interrupted by banging at the back door.
It was the builder she’d hired to put up a fence in her back garden — and he wanted to use her toilet.
Emma, a retired civil servant from Ely, Cardiff, simply informed him he couldn’t.
“‘You can wee in the garden,’ I told him, and directed him round the hydrangeas to behind the bushes,” she says.
“Then I added: ‘Better still, next door is empty and up for sale, so use that garden instead.’”
The stunned workman did relieve himself outside, grateful it was just a number one he needed.
“He looked shocked,” admits Emma, who is married to retired chemical engineer Kevin, 63.
“But I never let workmen go to the loo in my house.
“I don’t want messy builders, however nice they may be, invading my personal space.
“That’s why I have what I call my ‘male litter tray’ in the back of the garden.
“It’s a section of bushes that gives the workmen a little bit of privacy and they can wee there.
“It fertilises the rhubarb too, so it’s good for nature — and thankfully it doesn’t smell.”
While some may label Emma a toilet tyrant, a recent survey revealed more than one in three people would not grant access to the loo to tradespeople, with the younger generation more likely to say “bog off”.
Emma says: “It doesn’t surprise me that the young people are following my lead.
“It’s important to set boundaries.
“It proves I am right and everyone else is wrong.
“I have enough trouble getting tradespeople to clean up outside, let alone having to wipe up their wee, disinfect the toilet and spray air freshener after they have used my loo.”
Justifying her hard-line stance, Emma says: “I keep a very clean house, spending 20 hours a week scrubbing, so I don’t want builders, gardeners or tradesmen trampling mud and dirt through the place.
“Or worse, splashing pee on the floor and not flushing properly.
‘Husband tells me I am bonkers’
“I’m not cruel.
“People who work for me follow my rules.
“I am a bit of a hypocrite, though, as I would let female workers use my loo.”
And if they need to do more than wee?
“Then they can go home,” Emma says bluntly.
“It would be absolutely absurd to make a stranger do a number two in my garden.”
That’s one of the reasons she only uses local tradesmen — so they can reach their homes quickly.
She says: “If they aren’t regular, it’s not my problem.
“I don’t want them stinking up my loo.
“We all know the horror of smelling someone else’s business — it’s disgusting.
“If they must go in the middle of a shift, then they have to go home.”
Emma’s toilet ban started in her mid-20s after she worked as a chambermaid in a hotel.
She says: “I have seen toilets and bathrooms in terrible states.
“After that, with the exception of when my daughter, Hannah, now 34, was small, I wasn’t going to deal with anyone else’s number ones or twos.”
‘I make the rules clear at the start of the job’
Kevin, her husband of 18 years, considers her behaviour extreme.
“He tells me I am bonkers and controlling,” she says.
“But I remind him that it’s taken me ages to train him to put the toilet seat down and use a toilet brush.”
Despite the pleas from desperate workmen, Emma refuses to back down.
She argues: “I paid £10,000 for my bathroom.
“I don’t want skid marks in my loo.”
It’s not just workers Emma bans.
Only valued guests and close family, including daughter Hannah and her five grandchildren — Elise, 16, Bella, 13, Scarlett, 11, Lucy, eight, and Ivy, seven — are allowed to use the downstairs bathroom.
The upstairs facilities are strictly reserved for her and Kevin.
Emma says: “Everyone, even the grandkids, are refused entry.
“I don’t want people stinking it up.”
Her downstairs toilet features top-quality Waitrose toilet paper, single-use hand towels, a wall dispenser for hand lotion and White Company scented candles.
Perfectionist Emma fears people will judge her if standards slip.
She says: “I had a friend over last week and realised someone had left a skid mark.
“I worried for two nights I’d get a reputation for not having a clean downstairs loo.”
When she told pals that she makes tradesmen urinate outside, they were horrified.
But she believes they were also quietly impressed.
Emma says: “I think they thought I was intimidating and were perhaps a little jealous.
“I know I’ll be criticised by people who think I am acting posh, but I consider myself the Hyacinth Bucket of my neighbourhood.”
Emma — who uses five-star hotel toilets if she’s caught short when out and about — says some workers have challenged her loo ban.
She recalls: “A couple tried to push past me, but I have mastered the stern stare and pursed-lips smile which says ‘no way’.
“And I always tell them about my rules at the start of a job, so they know it’s either the bushes or go home.
“I make sure that’s on their time, too.
“I am not paying for them to do a number two.”
Exacting standards
But Emma is adamant she is never rude.
She says: “I will make them a cup of tea or coffee, or offer them a cold drink. That’s polite.”
In fact, Emma says her toilet ban has hidden benefits.
“Workmen seem to fast track the job when they know they have to wee in the bushes or go home to use the loo,” she says.
Emma is known for her exacting standards.
Last year she told Fabulous how she rules her cul-de-sac with an iron fist.
She revealed: “I monitor recycling, check people’s gardens are tidy and keep an eye on everyone’s comings and goings.
“So it won’t surprise my neighbours that I won’t let commoners loose in my lav.”
‘Sent to a public loo’
PAINTER and decorator Stephen Keough says it is bad manners to prevent workers from using your toilet – and is getting exasperated at it becoming a serious problem for workers.
The 36-year-old, from Manchester, says: “I’ve been a tradesman for 15 years and more and more people have started saying ‘no’ when I ask to use the loo.
“The first time it happened it was a shock. I thought the lady was joking.
“When she told me to use a nearby pub, I felt like a second-class citizen.
“Some snobby homeowners have told me to use public toilets at a park, try the local garage or even go for a wee in nearby woods.
“It’s just bad manners.
“When using anyone’s loo, I always make sure I wipe the surfaces I touch, put the seat down and flush.
“And I take off my boots so I don’t trample dirt through people’s homes.
“Recently, I’ve taken to carrying toilet roll, wipes and plastic bags in case I need to do a number two.
“I even have a jar in case I’m caught short and need to wee.
“It’s bonkers – I would never deny someone the basic human right of using the toilet.”