The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Mar. 16-22)
Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
My 6yo is on a fake phone call and just announced "I know I know I know you told me that last meeting," so now he's my life coach
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 20, 2024
Our cousin lives in Jupiter, Florida so you can imagine my 8yo’s disappointment once we arrived.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 17, 2024
Some of the cool things my 6yo girl has told me about how her day was at school include “I got an award” and “Today, a group of boys were being mean to me and I only made 5 of them cry.”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 19, 2024
5yo: DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU A GIRL BIRD OR A BOY BIRD?
— Courtney Ellis ???? (@courtneyellis) March 19, 2024
Me: Um... a girl bird?
5yo: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIRL BIRDS AND BOY BIRDS IS--
Me: Hey, babe, we're in the church office, so maybe be a little quieter about--
5yo: GIRLS HAVE EYELASHES
Pulling a long con on the kids by letting them get away with their innocent lies now, even though they’re so obvious, that way they’ll never get better at lying and I’ll be able to see right through their teenage lies. Am I doing this right
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) March 17, 2024
Single friend: [who spends her days frolicking around Europe] I wish I was married with kids…
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) March 20, 2024
Married me w/ kids: [scraping crusted boogers off the walls] Yea, it’s pretty awesome…
Why do people come back from a baby changing station with the same baby?
— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 17, 2024
I posted a joke about being an overstimulated mom, and men FLOCKED to the comments to scream that moms now are just a bunch of crybabies because grandma was never overstimulated. As if grandma didn’t have cocaine in her cola, a marlboro in one hand, and a switch in the other.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) March 22, 2024
Took my kid to a play place and he sees a former classmate who he has had a crush on for ages. I told him to play it cool. Just overheard him say “I remember your breath. It always smells like goldfish crackers” bro has negative rizz
— Teddie (@Teddie2pointO) March 21, 2024
Nothing in the world is more important to a child than seeing what you just showed another adult on your phone.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 19, 2024
Every current mom of a young child has at least one post from a Facebook moms group that they never stop thinking about.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) March 21, 2024
Do you like the feeling of never being home & living out of your car?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 20, 2024
Then having kids involved in sports might be for you.
Why are babies always smiling at me they don’t fucking know me.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 21, 2024
6yo: “Mama, I learned something today.”
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 21, 2024
Me: “Oh yeah? What did you learn?”
6yo (ominously) “That we’re never alone.”
4yo now deploying “perhaps”, as in, “I will leave this leaf here for a creature to eat—perhaps a caterpillar”
— Matt Bateman (@mbateman) March 21, 2024
Hardest part of being a parent is not bursting with delighted laughter and smothering them with hugs every time they speak
No one:
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) March 19, 2024
Absolutely no one:
No one at all:
My 3yo: Speaking of dinosaurs! What is everybody's FAVORITE dinosaur?
In the time it takes me to make a shopping list, my family has already eaten enough additional food to render my shopping list obsolete.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 19, 2024
Chase pediatrician said “have you talked to him about stranger danger yet” so I’m like kind of? She turns & asks him “if someone comes up to you & they have candy would you go to their car?” & he’s like “yes I love candy!” ????
— Kay (@KaylarWill) March 22, 2024
If your kid ever asks you something when you're not listening, never just blindly reply with, "Sure."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 21, 2024
I've been cleaning blueberries off the ceiling for 20 minutes.
I get it Kate, I’m also hiding in the bathroom from my family
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 21, 2024