Is it him, or me?
DEAR DEIDRE: No matter what I do, my husband can’t stay hard during sex and I’m starting to worry that he doesn’t fancy me any more.
I’m 48, he’s 52 and we’ve been married for 20 years.
We always had a healthy sex life but over the past few years he’s become less and less interested.
Whenever I try to initiate sex, he does his best to shrug me off.
I wonder if intimacy is becoming a chore for him.
I’ve tried everything, from sexy lingerie to sending him suggestive messages, but he isn’t interested.
Every time we have had sex he’s refused to look me in the eye, and loses his erection almost instantly.
The worst thing is, I know he has no problem keeping his erection when pleasuring himself. So why can’t he be the same with me?
All I want is for him to show interest again but I’m left constantly feeling unattractive and unwanted.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s difficult not to take it personally, being rejected like this. But when your partner goes off sex, it’s very rarely because they no longer find you attractive.
If he has no problem staying hard during masturbation, this is almost certainly a psychological issue.
Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Say you want to solve this together.
My support pack Erection Problems gives you steps you can take.
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