Decreasingly Impressive Reasons for Someone to Throw Out a Ceremonial First Pitch
First person to go to space
First person to walk on the moon
First person to wait in the ship while other astronauts walked on the moon
President
Vice president
Former president (non-disgraced)
Decorated general
National hero
Local hero
Singer of “Anti-Hero”
Flew around the world (early 1900s)
Octogenarian
Olympian
World champion
Intercontinental champion
Local weatherman
National weatherman
Governor (local)
Musician with multiple hits
Musician with multiple hits, home runs, and stolen bases
Musician in the band Walking on the Moon
Won a Golden Globe
Nominated for a Golden Globe
Harlem Globetrotter
“World’s Greatest” title holder
“Guinness World Records” record holder
Former “Guinness World Records” record holder (non-disgraced)
Former player (Hall of Fame)
Former player (fan favorite / very popular)
Former player (cut yesterday)
Current player of another sport
Currently starring in a new movie
Currently starring in a new TV show
Former participant in Battle of the Network Stars (non-disgraced)
Won a beauty pageant
Came in second in a beauty pageant, but the winner was unable to fulfill their duties and responsibilities
Socialite
Social media influencer
Mixed-media influencer
Governess (Victorian)
Won a local contest (skill-based)
Won a local contest (act of chance)
Won a local contest (act of God)
Washington General
President impersonator
Employee of the year
Employee of the month
Decorated General Dollar employee
Harlem Globe Salesman
“World’s Greatest Boss” mug holder
Class president (local high school)
Current player (figuratively, with the ladies)
Replaced a beloved character on a long-running TV show
Voted “Most Likely to Be Nominated for a Golden Globe” in their high school yearbook
Flew around the world (in the early 2000s)
Guinness drinker
Most recent person to go into space
“Knew a guy”