I divorced my husband when I learned he was spying on me with a hidden camera – but people say I’m the real problem
A STAY-AT-HOME mom was put off when her husband started spying on her with a hidden camera.
While she felt that her privacy had been violated, people thought she was the real problem.
Redditor Throwawayhicamera2 and mom-of-three explained her relationship dilemma as she asked for advice.
“It’s been about a month since I (46F) found out my husband (47M) had put a hidden camera in our living room to ‘prove’ that I’m lazy and worthless,” she wrote.
“It was a small disguised camera hidden inside what looked like a charging block. He stuck one in a living room outlet.”
Her husband, who was a “high earner,” revealed that her stay-at-home mom organization skills weren’t up to his expectations after their 12-year-old missed a field trip.
She had forgotten about the field trip’s permission slips and forms and as a result, missed the deadline.
“It became the start of a new month, and that’s when I do most of the shopping and tracking of household bills/ subscriptions,” she explained.
“I do daily cleaning but we use a service for deep cleaning/ landscaping that I had to supervise.”
Her 16-year-old had called her dad after picking up her crying sister.
“My husband drives to the school to beg them to let him fill the forms out in the office. Thankfully they let him since it was the same day. I apologized profusely,” she said.
Her husband, a self-employed HVAC technician, lectured her about taking responsibility for her actions and their children.
“[He] laid into me about how he has so many calls a day but still handles the administrative aspect of his job- communications and bookkeeping,” she said.
“I yelled back because his work is concentrated while my work at home has a bunch of moving parts and emotional labor as well, and I do it all behind the scenes.”
Her husband doubled down that she needed to be better at her stay-at-home mom responsibilities.
A week after the field trip incident, her husband called her out for neglecting to mail checks out to his employees.
It’s been a month and friends have been saying that I’m missing the fact there are others out there who would not disregard the things I do to make being high earning possible.
Throwawayhicamera2
“I could’ve done it the next day. He admits to the camera and starts citing ‘proof’ of times I was on my phone and that automatically equals goofing off,” she said.
While it appeared to her husband as relaxing, she explained she was hard at work.
“I was on my phone researching meals to fit my daughter’s dietary restrictions while keeping her healthy as a ballet dancer,” she said.
After the argument, she kicked her husband out and filed for divorce as she felt “violated and devalued.”
“It’s been a month and friends have been saying that I’m missing the fact there are others out there who would not disregard the things I do to make being high earning possible,” she said.
While the mom was indignant, critics thought she should take accountability for her actions.
“You’re the a**hole. I really want to be on your side because I would also file for divorce if I found a hidden camera,” said one commenter.
“But you supervise the house cleaner and the landscapers… And this is a full-time job? You need to research pre-cooked meals? But you don’t do the deep cleaning.
“You have to schedule time to fill out a form? What kind of questions are the teachers asking here? What exactly do you do all day?”
Others agreed her tasks were fairly low-maintenance.
“Three teenage kids, a cleaning service, landscaper, and you can’t sign permission slips or send off mail? And you’re the one writing a Reddit post complaining?” said another.
Some pointed out that her inability to stay on top of her tasks negatively impacted others aside from her family.
“The mail was the husband’s employees’ checks too. Her procrastinations are affecting other families as well,” said one.
One commenter said her husband was “lucky” she decided to opt for divorce.
“Good, set him free. Let him find a woman who’ll love and support him,” said another.
“Wait until you see what your life is going to be like when that decree comes through and the money tap is turned off and you have to work for a living to pay him child support.”