My new life with lover has left me feeling isolated and alone
DEAR DEIDRE: When my lover and I decided to leave our spouses and start a new life together, I was nervous but so excited about our future. Two years later I feel so isolated and alone.
I am 47 and my partner is 50. I thought I was happily married but the moment he joined my company, I knew I was in trouble.
We worked closely together on the same customer services team and it wasn’t long before we shared a passionate kiss after a late night in the office.
After that, we couldn’t stay away from each other and it wasn’t long before a couple of colleagues cottoned on to our affair.
We felt we needed to tell our partners ourselves but we also agreed it was a blessing in disguise – because the time felt right for us to be together.
This wasn’t just a one night stand or fleeting lustful fling – this was about deeper feelings.
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I for one hated the secrets and deceit and was looking forward to our relationship being out in the open.
However, the last few years have been tough. My grown up daughter and only child, hasn’t taken it well and my boyfriend still refuses to integrate me into his family.
I’m yet to receive an invitation to any of his family events. Tonight I’m at home alone while he celebrates his birthday with his two sons and ex-wife.
We’re together but I feel kept at arm’s length.
I worry he’s ashamed of our relationship.
To make matters worse my daughter still harbours huge resentment towards me. I’m lucky if she even picks up the phone to me.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: While it’s understandable that your partner may have needed some time before fully integrating you into his life, two years is a long time to be waiting on the sidelines.
By the sounds of it, he’s struggling with the guilt of the affair and is worried about his family’s reaction to your relationship.
It’s likely that he’s struggling with the shame of his actions, and isn’t thinking through how this is affecting you.
The only way to solve this is by speaking to him. Explain that family is important to you, and you want to be more involved in his life.
Give him the chance to reassure you and change his behaviour.
Don’t give up with your daughter, keep assuring her you love her.
I’m sending you my support pack How to Look After Your Relationship to help.