Life Lessons and Dating Advice I Learned from Jigsaw Puzzles
1. Patience is key.
2. Remember to take breaks for self-care.
3. And don’t forget to go to the bathroom.
4. It’s better to make slow progress with the pieces than no progress on the puzzle at all.
5. Accept the pieces the way they are. A turtle piece can never be a camel puzzle. Stop trying to change them when they show you who they are.
6. Sometimes, you must realize it’s not you; it’s just a crappy puzzle. It’s not worth your time to guess whether it is off-white or eggshell white, and you’re better off on your own.
7. Your self-worth isn’t determined by how many puzzles you solve. It is determined by whether you can get the puzzle to marry you and have puzzle babies.
8. A complicated puzzle piece is not easy to love and is always alone on a Friday night, looking for that one missing edge piece.
9. Don’t get jealous of the puzzle pieces that found where they belonged first.
10. Even if it seems like they are happier, prettier, and having more fun than you.
11. Even if that puzzle piece is your parent’s favorite for finally giving them grand puzzles.
12. Keep your eyes on your own puzzle, or your married friend Janice will get upset with you for spending too much time talking to her puzzle, and then she’ll spread a horrible rumor about you that gets you fired from your job.
13. Sometimes, the puzzle piece you thought you were meant to be with ghosts you. It hurts, and you’ll need to spend the week crying in bed and eating Pizza Hut out of its inventory. But you won’t die, and eventually, you’ll be able to get back out there and puzzle again.
14. So, say you go to the puzzle store, and you meet Josh a puzzle piece, and you hit it off, and he tells you that you’re the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, but when you look him up on Facebook, you see he is already in a fully completed puzzle. I mean, really, Josh puzzle piece?! How stupid do you think I am?
15. Then there was that stupid jerk who stole my money and destroyed my credit. Oh my gosh, I hate that guy puzzle piece! When they said there were more puzzle pieces in the sea, they forgot to tell me it was because they were all insane and nobody else wanted them! Why the hell do I even bother to puzzle at all?
16. Always do the corners first.