I fear my friend is in a controlling relationship since he has completely changed
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M worried my friend is in a controlling relationship with his girlfriend.
He has completely changed since he has been with her. I have been in abusive relationships myself and recognise the signs.
I’m 28 and female, and he is 29. We have been friends for 11 years.
He got together with this woman, who is 30, nine months ago.
Since then, he has stopped hanging around with our mates – because she says she doesn’t like us – and he hardly ever messages.
He used to be in a running club, but has stopped because she doesn’t like it.
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When I have tried calling him he sounds weird and says he can’t talk. I think she is monitoring his calls.
He didn’t even come to a mutual friend’s 30th.
Many in our friendship group have given up on him now but I don’t want to. He was supportive when I was in a bad relationship, and I care about him. What can I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: It is hard to watch a friend change because you think their relationship is abusive, and you feel powerless to help.
It is natural for friendships to sometimes drift, so do ask yourself if you could be projecting your own recent relationship experience on him. Keep in touch, so he knows you are there for him.
Visit the Men’s Advice Line website for more support. My support pack on Abusive Partners might also help.
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