How to stop being the other woman?

Dear Christine, FOR WHATEVER REASON, I seem to draw the attention of men who are either married or in serious relationships. The problem is that it doesn’t bother me that much.

I have been the other woman to a married man (very shortterm – as I ended things as soon as I found out he had children), an engaged man (this was longer, and I was very much in love with him – needless to say he broke my heart) right up until he got married, and currently a guy who is in a long distance relationship.

I feel as though with the admittedly major exception of them clearly cheating on their significant other, they have all been otherwise great guys. The current situation I am in is with this really fun guy who works for a different branch of my company.

We travel a lot together for work and one night after some drinking he kissed me and we ended up sleeping together. Now, I would never come on to him or make the first move, but I was very willing to succumb to his. After the first time, we basically continued our affair for the duration of our trip – it was a three-week long business trip. We still talk fairly frequently now that we are both back to our real lives, but we have another month-long trip together coming up shortly.

I guess my question is two-fold: How do I talk myself out of continuing this sort-of relationship with the current guy, and what could possibly be the underlying reason that I keep letting this happen? I promise that I have been in other normal, healthy relationships in my life.

This is just something I need to figure out.

– P.W. Dear P.W., Relationships are a lot of work. They are time-consuming, and you have to make compromises and think about the other person. Relationships can be messy. And you do not always get it right the first time.

Unfortunately, when that happens, it can make for a lot of heartache, and heartache sucks.

So, I can understand the temptation to stick with men who are unavailable for a real relationship. They seem easy, like a fast, no-hassle microwave meal or some greasy-butdelicious take-out.

But when that’s all you are surviving on, you lack the necessary nutrients to really thrive. And not only that, when you sleep with men who are committed to someone else, you are actively contributing to someone else’s eventual pain. That just cannot feel good.

You are better than that, aren’t you?

Your body and soul deserve better, don’t they? So, brush off your cooking utensils, go searching for a few good recipes, buy some fresh, seasonal ingredients, and put away your takeout menus where you won’t be easily tempted. You may make some mistakes on your way to creating the perfect dish, but you’ll be better for it. And when you finally make that perfect meal? All the mess and hassle that came before will be worth it.

I know you “get the drift.”

– CHRISTINE

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