Getting a ‘sleep divorce’ like Carson Daly or Cameron Diaz can add ‘sexual excitement’ to your marriage, says expert
WAKING up next to the person you love is said to boost intimacy in a relationship and probably helps kick off a more relaxing day ahead.
But according to a psychologist, sleeping apart might guarantee more shut-eye and a return to the “fantastic sex life” couples enjoyed when they first met.
Married celebrities like Cameron Diaz, 51, and Carson Daly, 50, have upended the traditional co-sleeping narrative.
They claimed what is known as a “sleep divorce” has transformed their marriages, and harmony has been restored behind closed doors.
Carson told People in April how he and his wife, Siri Pinter, sleep in separate rooms.
“It’s been good for us,” said the Today host before revealing that he and Siri “secretly love it.”
Cameron, too, gushed about it during a 2023 wellness podcast in which she discussed her marriage to Benji Madden.
“We should normalize separate bedrooms,” she said.
“To me, I would literally, I have my house, you have yours,”
Psychotherapist Dr. Kathryn Smerling, Ph.D., urged couples struggling to sleep beside their partners to consider the same.
“’Sleep divorce’ is becoming a phenomenon,” she told The U.S. Sun.
“This is because celebrities like Carson Daly and Cameron Diaz have discussed their sleep habits.
“There’s nothing wrong or right about a sleep divorce.
“It is still nice to have someone to cuddle with if you feel insecure; that would be the healthy thing to do.”
Smerling claimed sleeping separately could reignite the spark in a marriage.
“With sleep divorces, you can come up with good ideas and a range of sexual encounters,” said the NYC family therapist.
“You can make a range of dates with each other, which triggers thoughts of when you were younger and dated each other.
“It could add a little bit of sexual excitement.
“Sleep divorces can trigger memories of fantastic sex.
“They can remind you of all kinds of things you had forgotten about during the throes of life.”
STOP THE SNORE
According to a survey from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, over a third of American couples sleep separately.
Sterling claimed the decision to do so could solve problems.
Carson, for example, has admitted to using a CPAP machine to help with snoring.
“Certainly, people with sleep apnea or other kinds of sleeping issues can keep the other person up at night,” she said.
“If you are getting up at different hours, then a sleep divorce helps both couples get their sleep.
There is nothing wrong or right about a sleep divorce, and Carson Daly, for example, says he does not do it daily.
Dr. Kathryn Smerling, Ph.D.
“It is also particularly relevant when one person is sick or has ailments and needs a good night’s sleep.
“If someone snores or has a snoring machine or a sleep machine, all of that can disturb the other person.
“Some people like those sound machines, and some people do not.
“There is nothing wrong or right about a sleep divorce, and Carson Daly, for example, says he does not do it daily.
“You could do the sleep divorce a couple of nights a week if you prefer, like he does.”
ROOM FOR TWO
Carson explained how he and his wife structured their split sleeping schedule at home.
“We don’t do it all the time, but a couple of days during the week — especially if I want to watch an Islanders hockey game kind of later at night,” he said.
“I go into the guest room, she retires upstairs to read her book or watch a show.”
Smerling admitted couples with space would find sleep divorces easier to organize.
Cameron Diaz has one room for herself and one for her husband, and they share a room in the middle.
Dr. Kathryn Smerling, Ph.D.
“Just like anything in a marriage, it is what works for the two of you within your family system,” she said.
“People without much room will have to find a way to make that work.
“Cameron Diaz has three bedrooms to schedule her sleep divorces.
“Cameron has one room for herself and one for her husband, and they share a room in the middle.
“So that is the luxury for her living in a substantially larger place.
“That is only sometimes the case in New York City, and we’re limited by space and finances.
“Barbara Corcoran just said they have two rooms, so all these celebrities are different.”
NON-NEGOTIABLE
Barbara, 75, admitted on The Today Show that separate sleeping has helped her 35-year marriage to Bill Higgins.
“I’ve had a separate bedroom with Bill for like 40 years,” she explained.
“I have to invite him in — he invites me in occasionally,” the Shark Tank star added.
Smerling advised couples to take their time when discussing any sleep divorce options.
So you schedule a rendezvous, which is fun.
Dr. Kathryn Smerling, Ph.D.
“Barbara Corcoran has said that sleeping separately has saved her marriage,” she said.
“But there are issues with going into this blind.
“If someone is hesitant, we can say that it’s not permanent; if it is, we will try it and see how it works.
“So you have to be very clear that when you talk about this.
“There are pros and cons, but you do have to negotiate your intimacy and negotiate how it is going to work for you.
“The cons are that one of the best parts of being married is waking up with a person in the morning.
“Sleep divorce changes that particular piece of a couple’s intimacy as you wake up by yourself.
“So you have to discuss and be very transparent about what kind of intimacy or sex life you want.
“Intimacy may become more meaningful because sex is scheduled and more exciting.
“It would move away from, ‘I have to do this because we’re married.’
“So you schedule a rendezvous, which is fun.
“It is all up to the individual couple; what works for one couple does not work for another couple.
“You can reestablish rituals, like saying good morning and good night, hugging each other, or kissing good night.”
GO WITH THE FLOW
“When you sleep the way you can and want, it helps you feel better about yourself,” Smerling added.
“And, of course, having someone to cuddle with in the morning is always nice if you feel insecure.
“That would be the healthy thing to do, but I do not think anything is permanent in a marriage.
You may end up wanting that intimacy of sleeping with someone all over again.
Dr. Kathryn Smerling, Ph.D.
“To have a successful marriage, you must be ready to go with the flow and be resilient.
“You don’t have to say that we will sleep separately for the rest of our lives or that this is how you wanted them.
“Sleep divorces may work for 10 years, and then you may outgrow them.
“You may end up wanting that intimacy of sleeping with someone all over again.”