My partner treats me like a sex object

DEAR DEIDRE: I am sick of being treated like a sex object by my partner. I don’t feel loved – just used.

He is always asking me to do sexual things I don’t feel comfortable with, and when I refuse, he sulks and blanks me for days.

I’m 40 and he’s 42. We’ve been together, on and off, for seven years.
We broke up over this issue once. He wanted to have anal sex and I refused, as I think it’s revolting.

He kept asking, telling me I was boring and unadventurous.

Eventually, we had a row and he went out and didn’t come home for two nights.

I assume he found another woman to indulge his fantasies. I then called it quits. He won me back by telling me how much he missed me, and promising to treat me better.

I explained how important it was for me to feel loved. I said he made me feel like a prostitute.

But nothing has changed. If I’m not in the mood, or I won’t have the type of sex he wants, he gets angry and ignores me.

Then he either goes out or watches nasty porn videos for hours. I’m at the end of my tether.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your partner may have more “adventurous” tastes than you – or indeed, a sex addiction – but that does not give him the right to treat you like this, or to sulk when you refuse him.

He seems to equate love with sexual availability and not to be able to cope when his sexual demands aren’t fulfilled.

Unless he recognises he has a problem, being with him will make you very miserable long term.

Tell him you’ve had enough. If he really loves you then he will want to work on himself.

Some couples counselling and/or sex therapy together could be in order. See my support pack about this, and contact Tacistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org).