My son is spending the money he owes me

DEAR DEIDRE: My son owes me thousands of pounds and shows no sign of paying it back.

I have no idea how to approach this with him. I feel resentful and angry, but don’t want to ruin our relationship.

I’m 58 and he’s 28.

Three years ago, he asked to borrow £2,000 for a deposit on a flat he started renting.

As his dad, I was happy to help, even though his mum and I aren’t well-off. We’ve worked hard for our savings.

I assumed he would pay me back, as he promised.

But a year went by and there was no sign of our money. Then he moved to another flat, and he still didn’t give it back.

Meanwhile, he goes away for weekends and buys himself technical equipment.

I’ve never been good at talking about my feelings, which I know isn’t healthy.

Also, I hate confrontation, as I get so angry. I keep wanting to ask him where my cash is, but in the end, I can’t start the conversation,
I fear he doesn’t have the funds saved to pay me back, anyway.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Watching your son enjoy his life and spend money that he owes you, while you seethe internally, must be incredibly frustrating.

I understand your fears about confrontation, but you must approach him, or nothing will change.

My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, will help you be assertive without making him defensive.

Make it clear it’s time to pay back what he owes. Suggest he sets up a payment plan and pays you back in small instalments.