Harriette Cole: I fear that no American can match the man I left behind
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently returned to the United States after studying abroad, and I have a whirlwind of emotions following my departure from the city that became my temporary home.
I am sad to leave the friends I made from all over the world, and I’m also leaving behind a guy I connected with.
During my time abroad, I met this incredible guy who not only showed me around the city but also made me feel understood in a way I hadn’t experienced before. He is kind, has a stable job and went above and beyond to ensure I felt welcomed and included in his world.
Our connection felt genuine and deep, and saying goodbye before boarding my flight back to the U.S. was sad for both of us.
We weren’t ever an official couple, so I know that our communication is going to be limited.
I feel sad because I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who can live up to the expectations that I have in a partner like he did.
Is there a way to preserve the connection we shared, or should I focus on moving forward and cherishing the memories we created together?
— Missing Him
DEAR MISSING HIM: Does that relationship have to be over? Before you shut that door, tell him how you feel.
Express your sadness due to your separation. Tell him how special you felt your connection was. Explore whether there is a relationship worth maintaining.
Some people do have successful long-distance relationships, so it is possible.
If the distance won’t allow for an ongoing romantic connection, can you two figure out how to stay close as friends? Talk to each other honestly and work it out.
You shouldn’t have to cast him aside completely. Instead, determine how you can remain in each other’s lives moving forward.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m writing to “Welcoming Three,” the reader who is pregnant with triplets. After seeing your letter in the newspaper, I felt like I should reach out and share a little advice as the mother of 31-year-old triplet sons.
During my pregnancy, I worried a lot about whether they would be healthy or would be born too early — the usual fears of a first-time mother.
One of the best decisions that I made was to pay attention only to people who had had good outcomes. There are many folks who want to share their experiences, and the bad ones heightened my own fears.
Contact Multiples of America (multiplesofamerica.org), a group that offers information and support to families both before and after the birth of multiples.
Honor this time to let your babies grow and develop by eating well, resting often and being the best incubator that you can be. Accept help offered by family and friends, but build in time for yourself.
It is a wonderful — but not always easy — adventure to be blessed with three. I used to tell myself that since I’d never had one before, I’d never know how much more difficult three would be.
Wishing you and your partner much happiness through this process.
— Been There
DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.