Trouble in the Picklesphere

Finally, a news event on which to peg a rant about a pox that has descended on the sporting world. I am, of course, speaking about pickleball — the pox — and a story in Outkick — the news event.

Yes, I could have written at any given time about this totally mockable sport that is a hybrid of glorified ping-pong and diminished tennis — heck, diminished badminton — and that has captured the senior world from Orlando to Newport Beach, from Sarasota to Sun City.

I could have written about how it’s forcing the conversion of a myriad of the nation’s tennis and basketball courts into pickleball courts; about how people living near these courts whine about the constant “pop-pop-pop” (or “thwack-thwack-thwack”) they hear 24/7, from the congress of pickleball and paddle, emanating from these courts (it’s the “new leaf blower,” as one writer called it); or about the takeover of a sport for retirees by young punks who should be playing a sport more befitting their youth and athletic skill — like, oh, tennis. 

All legit angles, to be sure. But none of them seemed like a lede. The story in Outkick, though — that is a lede.

It seems that at a pickleball match in the Red Rock Open, in St. George, Utah, played by professional pickleballers — yes, there are such — an incident happened that has shaken up this runaway success story of a sport, the fastest rising of all participant sports in America.

It happened in a mixed doubles match pitting the team of Lina Padegimaite and Zane Navratil against Martina Frantova and Andrei Dăescu. Padegimaite fell down during a point, and while she was lying defenseless in the middle of the court, Dăescu hit the ball right at her prostrate form. She was, of course, not in a position to return the ball. Point Frantova/Dăescu.

Here’s the clip.

Despite Dăescu’s immediate apology, Padegimaite stomped off the court in a huff. She collected herself briefly, then stomped back onto the court to resume play.

And now pickleball is in a huff.

What Dăescu did, according to some, was not “pickleball.” It was “tennis” — a pejorative term in the “picklesphere” for behavior considered unbecoming of pickleballers: trash talk; refusing to shake an opponent’s hand; not being a nice, respectful player by chit-chatting and laughing with opponents between and even during points; and, yes, hitting a ball, albeit a whiffle ball, directly at a defenseless woman who is lying in the middle of the court.

Such “pickle” apologists insist that Dăescu should have avoided taking the obvious point and played patty-cake with Padegimaite’s teammate until she could resume her feet, at which time the point could be recommenced. That, apparently, is the pickleball way.

According to others, Dăescu’s move was totally understandable and even warranted. It’s called playing the game, seeking out an advantage, trying to win. Amber Harding, writing in Outkick, sees no issue with Dăescu’s play. “It’s like in little league,” she writes, “when your coach tells you to hit the ball to the kid who’s sitting down in the outfield picking grass. Or when I played volleyball, and I purposely served to the person who sucks at defense.”

The fact is that pickleball has to decide what it is. Is it geriatric tennis, with smoothies and snacks between sets; or is it a cutthroat uber-competitive sport with professional players and tournament purses in the thousands?

Well, everything about it screams “old-timer’s game.” The court is small — about half the size of a tennis court — with a striped-off area 7 feet off the net called the “kitchen,” which players may not enter unless the ball bounces in it first. The purpose of the kitchen is to prevent players from standing at the net and slamming the ball home. It also results in lengthy “hand battles,” as players lob harmless little soft ones back and forth across the net, playing each one off the bounce. There is nothing more exciting in all of sports than an extended pickleball dink contest! The other thing: Serving is done underhand.

Add the fact that doubles are the most popular form of the game, and pickleballers do very little running. One study from Canada found that a one-hour walk produced twice as many steps as one-hour pickleballing. 

I can’t beat sportswriter Rick Reilly’s summary of the game:

It’s a game in which two mostly very old people (like me) whack a plastic whiffle kind of ball at two other mostly old people (like me), who defend an area the size of a rug (like the one in my bathroom).

The game has geezer written all over it.

But the game was invented for little kids. In 1965, a politician and two businessmen in Washington State decided to invent a game that would amuse their bored children. They taped off a little court, lowered a badminton net to waist high, grabbed a whiffle ball and a ping-pong paddle, insisted on no smashes from close to the net, and … voila! … pickleball was born. They had the rules finalized in four or five days.

It is now a mammoth enterprise, with professional leagues that draw thousands of spectators and thousands of dollars in prize money. It boasts celebrity players, fans, and even a hall of fame. Pickleball complexes have arisen in Florida and Texas (two hotbed states). Myriad sports equipment companies produce pickleball gear, including 300 paddle manufacturers. It’s featured in commercials with Rob Gronkowski, of all people, waving around a pickleball paddle as he plumps for insurance. It gets its games on TV (and not even in the wee hours, with Aussie Rules and spikeball, but during the day).

Pickleball is, in a sense, the new racquetball. Racquetball was easy to learn and play — the most accessible of sports. Hit the ball, make sure the ball hits the wall (you can’t hit it out of bounds), and you’re playing racquetball.

Pickleball is equally accessible — without all the running. Anyone with a modicum of athletic ability can achieve a decent skill level in a morning on the court, max. It’s not tennis, which requires years of play to achieve a passable skill level.

Which makes one wonder why young athletic studs are playing pickleball. The current champion is in his early 20s. The game at the professional level is dominated by people in their prime athletic years. This is like Justin Verlander giving up baseball to play cornhole or Scottie Scheffler giving up golf to concentrate on miniature golf.

Pickleball should know its place in the sporting world and stay there. It is a sociable racquet sport amenable to senior citizens. It should be content to be what it was meant to be.

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