Below Deck Recap: Cabin-Inspection Fever
We’ve made it to the final chapter of the season, which merits congratulations to the crew on their hard work and, more importantly, to us viewers for sticking with it. Alas, the biggest drama we get is about salt levels. Below Deck seasons tend to follow a bell curve of drama, with a peak in the middle when firings or quittings happen and then tapering out toward the end, where we are now. A part of me is still holding out for the possibility of an explosive finale, but it looks unlikely. Everyone is tired, ready to finish up and return to Miami. I can relate to the tiredness, but I personally have no desire to go to Miami.
Before the charter starts, Fraser asks Paris if there’s tension with Nick. She says there’s not, but the editors hit us with a flashback montage of their clashes. Paris is either lying, in denial, or suffering from short-term memory loss. Going forward, she promises to stay in her lane. Later, Nick eats a sandwich in the crew mess, and there’s a mayo bottle conspicuously in the shot. I think it’s symbolic of a new peace with mayo-loving Paris.
As everyone gets the boat ready, Barbie calls a friend to brag about how much she’s been working, but this is intercut — and thus undercut — with her texting while Paris and Xandi clean. Barbie tells us she’s ready to return to her bougie life in Miami. Although for the first week back, Kyle’s going to hang around. He changed his flight so they could spend more time together. Fraser predicts to Xandi that Barbie will break up with Kyle when they get off the boat and she realizes he doesn’t fit into her normal life. For now, though, they’re going strong. Later on, they say casual “I love you”s to each other over laundry, and Kyle confides in Sunny that he’s confident about the relationship post–St. David.
It may be the last charter, but Kerry is not going to tolerate any slacking. On his walk-through, he finds unrinsed jet skis and a sloppily coiled hose and calls out the exterior crew. Ben is annoyed by the micromanaging. We’re not told whose fault it is, but it could be anyone. Sunny and Kyle may have been distracted or still grieving after a brief funeral for a dead rat they found. Dylan may have been too weak: He’s losing muscle weight without his normal two hours a day of training. When they drop anchor, Sunny and Ben give it four shackles on the waterline when Kerry said four shackles on deck. Somewhat understanding this jargon makes me think I’m qualified to be a yachtie. Is this the gateway to lying on my resume about yachting experience and one day getting cast on the show, only to be fired a few episodes later? Anyway, it’s about three meters difference, and Ben doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Three meters is almost ten feet, which seems substantial. That’s a whole flight of stairs, the length of a kayak, or approximately two Dolly Partons.
Last week, the preference sheets claimed, “These ladies travel together often,” but this week, we learn that was an outright lie. The primary Michele has brought these seven women together, but they hadn’t all met before this trip. I wonder if there was drama about Tya getting the “best friend” lower third when others were relegated to “sorority sister” or “business partner.” The women have requested a sunset reiki session that looks lovely. The reiki healer Sara says they’ll be “in that vibration” for 24 hours, which feels somewhat threatening.
Earlier at lunch, the guests think the edamame purée and scallops are salty, but Barbie mishears them and tells Fraser they want more salt. Fraser relays this to Nick, and this game of telephone will end how most do (not well). This isn’t Barbie’s only transgression — she also asks Xandi for a break to redo her makeup, which Xandi denies. Barbie is also 25 minutes late coming back from her break. Fraser has to wake her up from her nap. Maybe the reiki vibrations knocked her out.
Kerry continues to be vigilant and notices the Jacuzzi isn’t warm. He also lowers umbrellas himself because the wind is too high. Later, he sees the reiki mats and pillows weren’t cleaned up when the deck crew is already eating dinner. Kerry’s annoyed and makes them clean it up before finishing their dinner. This is a classic case of senioritis. There’s no motivation to get good grades when you know you’re guaranteed to graduate, or in this case, not get fired with only days left. Ben thinks Kerry is too military-esque, and that’s backed up by a flashback montage of Kerry’s inspections and disappointments in the crew. This is the second montage of the episode and dares to include the unrinsed jet-ski scene we saw less than 20 minutes ago, so it really feels like the editors are cobbling together anything they can to fill the hour.
Ben is being kinder toward Sunny than Kerry, and the not-couple agrees they want to see each other after the season. Ben’s open to the possibility of a relationship. Finally, Sunny feels like they’re on the same page, but her guards are rightfully still up. She’s nervous to see if the boatmance transfers to the real world. She tells Dylan that Ben is definitely her type: “Sporty, athletic, confident … hairy.” “Hairy” can mean (a) having lots of hair or (b) difficult, and Ben sure fits both those definitions.
For dinner, there’s a vague Parisian theme, and Nick’s doing a French menu. He was trained in French cuisine so he’s excited about it. We see him tell Fraser his menu plan in the afternoon; pre-planning menus together seemingly has gone out the porthole. That night, Fraser says Nick’s salad looks divine. Unfortunately, Michele doesn’t like arugula, but it wasn’t on her preference sheet, so Fraser and Nick are allied for once against a picky primary. The lobster main dish is too salty for her, but Fraser stays positive — the other guests love the food. Thankfully, Michele loves lemon, so dinner ends on a high note with a lemon tart. I’m not sure if the chantilly cream came from the gas canister, but if it did, Nick finally got the consistency right. What a character arc.
The next morning, Kerry announces he’ll be doing cabin inspections at 6 p.m. tonight. It’s for health-and-safety standards to make sure there are no fire hazards or exits blocked. And possibly for the producers to eke out a tiny last morsel of conflict to fill another episode. Kerry doesn’t care that it’s the last two days of the charter, but Ben is saltier than Nick’s food and has no intention of cleaning up: “What’s he gonna do, fire us?” Ben pretends it’s because the guests are his priority, but then we cut to him and Sunny horsing around lifting each other up. Ben’s true priority is flirting.
At breakfast, Fraser suggests omelets, but Michele orders a salmon benedict with no salt. Nick jokes that he sees why she got divorced. I for one respect a woman who knows what she wants and communicates that clearly. That afternoon, the ladies go on a beach picnic. Nick forgot aluminum foil to keep the food warm and says he’ll make a list next time. There won’t be a next time, so it all feels devoid of real stakes. Paris, a perfectionist, thinks Nick is lazy and disorganized, but she doesn’t say anything other than “I’m staying in my lane.” Despite Paris’s passive aggression, the meal goes over well. When it comes time for dessert, Brandi, one of the guests, doesn’t want a crème brûlée and says Paris can have hers. Paris and Sunny eat it and the extra, but then Michele asks if it’s still there. Fraser is livid. This is a huge cliffhanger for a commercial break, but of course it’s quickly resolved. Fraser sends Paris to talk to the guests, and Brandi acknowledges that she gave the crème brûlée to Paris, and they all laugh about it. Now I’m craving crème brûlée.
That evening, it’s time for the cabin inspections. Fraser has tidied up for the occasion, and his bunk is super-neat. The little narc that he is, Fraser volunteers to join Kerry to make the rounds. I wasn’t expecting Kerry to actually give the rooms grades, and I love that he judges them on a 1 to 10 scale. Fraser gets a 10, Dylan and Nick earn a 7, Paris and Xandi a 9, and Barbie and Sunny a 7. Instead of a number, Ben and Kyle’s room gets a “What the hell is going on here?” They made no attempt to clean, and Kerry’s pissed. He calls them up to the bridge and says that it was blatant disrespect, especially when he’s been helping them out on deck. We’ll have to wait till next week to hear their defense.