‘The Fall Guy’: The Best Movie of the Spring Flopped and It’s Your Fault

Considering that one of my greatest joys in life is to smugly shame people, this should be a joyous moment. And yet… I feel so sad. Exasperated. You know that phrase, “I’m not mad, just disappointed?” The bozo who came up with that clearly had made lots of people angry and was trying to make himself feel better about it. No, I want all of you to feel bad because, frankly, you deserve it.

Earlier this week, the spectacular Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt action rom-com The Fall Guy was made available for rent and purchase on digital platforms. On the one hand, yay: People will have easier access to what, in my mind, is the best movie of the spring. (Sorry to Challengers! No offense, I Saw the TV Glow!) On the other hand: The should-be blockbuster is available to rent so wildly soon after its release date because not enough people saw it in theaters—and that will have ramifications that reverberate throughout the industry and, more importantly, my life and its happiness.

Now that I’ve evolved into my final form as a finger-wagging dad-type, I might as well keep going with the tired phrases: Actions have consequences, people. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Read more at The Daily Beast.